Posted by kara lynne on September 15, 2003, at 12:17:13
In reply to Re: 2:45 am, wanting to call him. » kara lynne, posted by fallsfall on September 15, 2003, at 8:42:46
dear fallsfall,
I would have loved to have known you were up, but this is the next best thing.I am at a new stage where I really feel like I made a mistake. I haven't felt this yet, or at least this strongly. I don't know whether it's because I feel too inadequate to create a life for myself, or if it's because I really blew it and should have stayed with him. I feel so crippled right now---I don't even *want* a life feeling this sad. I know he doesn't struggle with this--even in his email he said he had to go give an interview in 10 minutes. Gee, I'm glad he could take time out of his busy schedule to drop me a line.
I do have to remind myself that I will not get what I want if I call him. I guess I just have to stop punishing myself with doubt, but it seems impossible. I really don't feel any better off without him and it's hard not to interpret that to mean something other than it does.
I wasn't a better me around him. But I'm not a better me around me yet either-- I'm not in very good company at the moment. Except for everyone here, that is.
Thank you for being here. I have a counseling appt. today and am seeing that therapist tomorrow--for what probably will be the last time.
It's too early for ice cream.
poster:kara lynne
thread:260066
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030913/msgs/260240.html