Posted by Daisym on December 15, 2006, at 18:33:34
In reply to Re: Thoughts on Suicide - Trigger, posted by Dinah on December 15, 2006, at 17:43:49
I can see that lots of people have thought about this topic in lots of ways. I'm glad I'm not the only one who has done internet searches...I even read a bunch of articles about the effects on therapists who lose clients this way. Like somehow I could make it better if I only did it right.
I think I believe that Dinah is right -- living is an obligation -- but I also think that you have an obligation to yourself at some point too. Perhaps this is where the compassion comes in for your own suffering. Is it easier to think of letting go when someone is in terrible physical pain? Why should mental pain be so different?
My therapist tells me that feelings aren't static. They evolved and change and so whatever I'm feeling now is unlikely to remain the way I feel next week , or month or year. He likes to say, "you don't know. You can't know. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."
Thank you to all who said they would miss me. I believe that I would be missed and I'm so touched by that. And I believe that I still have things left to do and I can make a difference for other people. But I also believe that I've less and less resources within myself to keep making each day a productive day. Can a person decide "I've done enough?"
Kids though...that's the thing. There are ways to do this that wouldn't look like you did this. Accidents happen. But still, you left them. There is no getting around that.
People tell me not to lose hope. But what am I hoping for? I also wonder how much anger is wrapped around this. Logically I think suicide is an angry response to the world but that is an intellectual process, not what I really feel. Mostly I'm appalled and angry at myself because I keep going back to this.
poster:Daisym
thread:713827
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061210/msgs/714035.html