Posted by jerrympls on December 5, 2004, at 19:54:10
In reply to Re: almost ready to end life » jerrympls, posted by Cass on December 5, 2004, at 18:19:45
I have a pdoc and a therapist I see twice a week. My depression is treatment-resistant. I'm completely numb - emotionally and physically. I could go and walk in front of a bus and probably wouldn't feel anything - or maybe I would and maybe that's a good thing. I'm alone in a quietly mean city. People who I thought were friends stopped talking to me over a year ago because I didn't want to go out all the time and I was always "sick." The people I work with are passive-aggressive. I somewhat enjoy what I do, but I always get put down somehow. I broke down about 3 months ago and had to go on medical leave. At first it was a great relief - now at the end of it I realize I haven't gotten any better. I have no social life and stay in my apartment most of the time. I've gained over 100lbs on medications and am ashamed of by body. I haven't dated in over 6 years. Most importantly, I'm not making a difference....I'm simply existing to pay bills. Nothing more...
I can't see what I have to live for.
?
poster:jerrympls
thread:424738
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041202/msgs/424965.html