Posted by GeishaGirl on December 6, 2004, at 12:31:17
In reply to almost ready to end life, posted by jerrympls on December 4, 2004, at 22:39:06
Hi Jerry,
I am so sorry to hear about what you are going thru. I have been suicidal many times. Thanx for sharing your pain.
What I feel I can say is what things are like and were like for me and what I found helpful.
When I get suicidal, I try my best to do things that bring me some kind of comfort, joy or nurturing, even if I don't believe it will help at all and/ or I don't deserve it(either solitary or community based activities.) Sometimes it helps, other times it doesn't. The activity itself gets me to doing something and I end up taking at least a two second break from sitting around and thinking too much about things I've gone over in my head ten million times. This kind of self-nurturing actually helps to to think things thru later. I try to keep up with this stuff and eventually I feel a bit more like I want to feel. I also talk or write to anyone I feel will be responsive to me.
I also allow myself to feel my pain, but not act it out. I feel like all of my life, people have told me that I shouldn't be feeling this way or that or it's not healthy or appropriate. That is destructive for me. I need to feel. And be responded to in a caring way.
Sometimes, however, I get almost completely immobilized to do any self-nurturing. What I try to do then is to try to tell myself that whatever I'm feeling is okay to feel and makes sense to me right now, but acting on it may be something I won't be around to regret later. At the same time, I also do what you are doing, talking with others, either in the real or virual world. I also feel, along with some others here, that some kind of loving community is essential. To me, this a need that every human being has.
Like some others here, I have also found that my periods of feeling suicidal have not only decreased over the years and that feelings of suicide or debiliating depression have also lessened in duration over the years, as I get to know myself and my needs.
I'm glad that you've come here. I hope that you continue to share and that you find some kind inner peace soon. Take care.
Geisha Girl
poster:GeishaGirl
thread:424738
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041202/msgs/425257.html