Posted by fallsfall on February 19, 2004, at 8:27:42
In reply to Re: Teenager late (AGAIN) for school, posted by Tootercat on February 18, 2004, at 10:29:35
Your kind of perspective was exactly what I was hoping to get.
She was in 5th grade when I moved out. The separation (we're not divorced because my husband doesn't want to be and I really don't care) has been reasonably civil. My 3 children (she was 10, her brother was 13, her sister was 15) could choose where they would be (on a daily basis if they wanted). I moved to an apartment in the same school district so they could go to school from either house. I now live 3 doors down from my husband's house - so they can walk back and forth whenever they want. All 3 kids decided that they wanted to "live" only at one house. The older two stayed with their dad. The youngest stayed with me. They each have dinner a couple of times a week with the "non-custodial" parent, and taxi service to activities is shared, etc. This was how the kids decided to do the "custody" thing (I still have mixed feelings about "making" them make the decision - but 2 really were old enough, and it was clear that things would be very ugly if I protested).
Youngest did spend 6 months living at her dad's a year ago, and then came back to my house. So, I have to believe that she does feel that she has that option.
What are her feelings on the separation? She wants us back together, of course. It might be worth trying to have a new conversation about this - it has probably been a while since I've gotten her take on it. I need to remember to try to listen to her rather than defend my decision.
Passive-aggressive. Ah. Yes. Her father is a master at Passive-aggression. I've seen a bit in myself recently, too (which I have been fighting against). So she does have good role models for this... We have talked about it (when I saw that I was doing it, I explained to her what I was doing and called it "Passive-aggression"). I hadn't quite thought of the tardiness in that light, but it makes a lot of sense.
Thank you so much for sharing your insights.
poster:fallsfall
thread:315042
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040219/msgs/315559.html