Posted by fallsfall on August 30, 2003, at 17:05:23
In reply to On Falling in Love. On Paul and, oh dear -- long!, posted by temmie on August 30, 2003, at 14:19:53
You sound like a wonderful couple. I can tell that you do love him. It it could just work out the way you plan I'm sure that both of you would be very happy. I can see why you like to keep your dream alive - it sounds wonderful.
I'm not as concerned that he is a user. I think that is something that can be addressed (and should be addressed).
What concerns me the most is the assault. Correction the Two assaults. If it was one, then I would say maybe it didn't happen the way she said. But it was two. I don't know about you, but I have never been arrested for assault. And certainly not twice. The chances that this was a fluke goes down a lot when the second one happens. I know a friend who is in an abusive relationship. She almost left him 7 years ago, but she was positive that she would never see her kids again if she did. So she went back to him. I haven't heard from her in years. Her relationship didn't have a lot of physical violence, but he was very much in control of everything. She was so unhappy and so scared. She brought the kids to stay with me from 4 states away. It wasn't hard for him to figure out where she had gone. He came to the middle school and kidnapped his daughter right after school. He took her back to their state and locked her in a motel room. My point is that he did unthinkable things as a matter of course. Because something he had learned or experienced said that he had to be in charge.
I would be terrified to know that you were just entering into a relationship that could be like that. The agony that she went through was indescribable. She tried working with a lawyer - but ended up needing to send the kids back to her husband for their "Summer Visitation". That's when she left my house. He made it clear that she was to come home then or she would never see them again. Her youngest just graduated from high school (I assume he graduated...). I wonder what she will do now.
I would watch the trials carefully. I would talk to past girlfriends. You need to know how he acts. Please don't listen with rose colored ears.
Maybe you can get him into therapy. But if you do, somehow you have to find out if he is making progress or just going. His therapist can't tell you that (confidentiality).
This is a lot of rambling. I am just very worried. I wish it could be wonderful for you.
poster:fallsfall
thread:255633
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030829/msgs/255711.html