Posted by Glenn Fagelson on June 19, 2001, at 2:27:22
In reply to Re: Am I just too depressed Glenn, posted by Roo on June 18, 2001, at 8:29:05
>
> > Dear Roo,
> >
> > I would really like to give you some feedback;
> > I might have been in a similar situation, but
> > I would need to know what kinds of doubts and
> > anxieties you are having? Also, I am not
> > getting a clear picture of what your boyfriend
> > (fiancee) is like?
>
> Oh he's wonderful. Very kind, smart, gentle, handsome...
> In many ways, the "perfect" boyfriend that any woman would
> want. Sometimes too damn perfect. Sometimes I feel like
> I have the stepford boyfriend, you know? I feel like
> "show me your raw, ugly side...get mad at me every once
> in awhile...tell me I'm getting on your nerves..."...He's always
> so damn nice to me sometimes it drives me crazy!
> >
> > Relationships do take a lot of work, don't they?!
> > Did someone hurt you in the past? I know for
> > me that I was hurt in childhood and the thought
> > of getting close to someone else was (and still
> > is to some extent) very frightening and
> > uncomfortable.
>
> Yes, someone hurt me in my past. I had a very traumatic
> experience as a young kid (2 or 3 years old) that I think
> affected my ability to trust and be close. My parents
> joined a religious commune where I was neglected and got
> mostly no attention, or negative attention. Parents were
> separated from their children and encouraged not to give
> them too much attention. Too long to really go into.
>
> Do you feel free within your
> > relationship?
>
> In some ways. Not in other ways. But I don't feel free a lot
> of the time. Even with my closest friends.
>
>
> Are you scared that you might
> > not find someone else if you broke up with him?
>
> Oh yes. Very, very afraid of that.
>
>
> > I can imagine how hard it is for you;
> > you have invested at least a couple of years
> > in this relationship. One way or the other,
> > I hope it works out for you, Roo.
>
>
> Me too, Glenn...thanks for caring...I pray that the right
> thing to happen, will happen, and the right path will
> become clear with time.
>
>
> >
> > Take care, GlennHi Roo,
Based on what you have mentioned to
me, I am starting to get the picture now
of your situation. Can I be so bold as
to say that I know exactly how you are
feeling? Of course,I could be wrong, but
I am really getting the feeling that you
feel obligated to work on this
relationship. Do you really love him
that much? He sounds like a very sweet
guy, but I am seeing and hearing that
he does not make you laugh; his sense of
humor does not mesh with yours. In my
mind, that is a red flag, a big red flag!
Also I would go nuts if the woman in my
life did not have her own world. Do you
have any conflicts with him? Does he ever
disagree with you? Conflicts are a
natural part of the relationship process;
that is how we grow. Are you a playful
person? Is he? These are some of the
questions that I would be asking myself
if I were in your situation right now.
I may regret
asking you this tomorrow, but I will
ask it anyway. Can he be the sexual
"animal" that will bring you to your
most fondest and most memorable orgasms?
I am not talking about sexual abuse, rape
or lack of love when I ask this. I think
you know what I mean.I usually go by this guide in order to
tell me if I am in a healthy relation-
ship or not. I look for 3 things: Is
there passion here? Are we best
friends? Do we respect each other?
If anyone of those aforementioned factors
are not there, then I know that
the relationsh is nota solid one for me.
Please,please correct me if I am wrong;
it seems like you have the friendship;
it seems like you reasonably respect each
other, but I do not see the passion in
the relationship. I do not know about you,
but I could never, ever marry a woman
unless I was passionate about her.Glenn
P.S.: You seem like a very nice person; what makes
you think that you would never find someone
else? Remember you, as a person, deserve
the very best; do not sell yourself short!
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
poster:Glenn Fagelson
thread:6456
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010611/msgs/6541.html