Posted by Glenn Fagelson on June 16, 2001, at 23:06:52
In reply to Am I just too depressed to committ to anyone?, posted by Roo on June 15, 2001, at 11:38:51
> I've been seeing my boyfriend for over 2 1/2 years.
> The first year, I was ecstatic. I thought I'd finally
> found the one. I was very happy, and couldn't believe
> my good fortune. He's a wonderful, handsome, caring man.
> Shortly after we got engaged, I started
> have some anxiety and doubts. I frequently discussed
> them with him honestly, but they never seemed to abate,
> but only to intensify. I struggled with whether I was
> just scared, or whether he just wasn't the right guy
> for me after all. My doubts became more and more intense
> and I felt as if a hand reached inside the faucet of my
> heart and just turned it off. I broke up with him rather
> abruptly. We stayed broke up for 4 months, and I continued
> to have the anxiety and sorrow. I started to wonder if he
> wasn't really the cause of the anxiety, that maybe it was
> something inside of me, some sort of deep rooted fear of
> intimacy. I asked him if he would be willing to go into
> counseling with me, and he agreed. We ended up getting
> back together and are still in counseling. The counseling
> helped a lot, and the anxiety subsided some (though not
> completely), and we decided to move in together. We've
> been living together only a month. During that time my
> long time cat buddy died of cancer. I've been depressed and
> anxious. At first I thought it was my cat and the stress
> of moving and the newness of living togehter. I still think
> it may be that. But also, the feeling of anxiety and
> doubt about the relationship still plagues me. It's almost
> all I can think about. I don't know if it's just the stress
> of the transition. Good common sense tells me to at least
> give living together a good chance, 6 months or so. But it's
> so hard to live with the anxiety. (But then it didn't go
> away the last time I left either). Argh. I'm just thinking
> am I just too scared to committ to ANYONE, does my depression
> leave me too self absorbed and tired to truly love anyone, or
> to be able to be what it take to be in an intimate relationship?
> Or is this just the wrong person? I guess only time will tell,
> and no one can really know but me, but if any feedback or
> similar experiences come to mind, I'd really appreciate it.Dear Roo,
I would really like to give you some feedback;
I might have been in a similar situation, but
I would need to know what kinds of doubts and
anxieties you are having? Also, I am not
getting a clear picture of what your boyfriend
(fiancee) is like?Relationships do take a lot of work, don't they?!
Did someone hurt you in the past? I know for
me that I was hurt in childhood and the thought
of getting close to someone else was (and still
is to some extent) very frightening and
uncomfortable. Do you feel free within your
relationship? Are you scared that you might
not find someone else if you broke up with him?
I can imagine how hard it is for you;
you have invested at least a couple of years
in this relationship. One way or the other,
I hope it works out for you, Roo.Take care, Glenn
poster:Glenn Fagelson
thread:6456
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010611/msgs/6479.html