Posted by alexandra_k on December 8, 2018, at 3:18:09
In reply to Re: I don't know what to do, posted by alexandra_k on December 8, 2018, at 3:04:45
it is a funny thing. i've learned my friends wil appear supportive for my successes / fortunes if they think there isn't anything they can do to prevent my successes / fortunes.
if there are little things they can do to be obstructive, then they seem to like that, though and will rise to that opportunity.
i don't particularly trust what a couple of them will say acting in a referee capacity. but i do trust that the person who contacts them will know that what they say tells them more about the person doing the saying than it does about me. it will likely reveal the nature of my social supports. which is probably as it should be...
i'm genuinely happy for their successes and they are genuinely happy for my misfortunes.
genuinely happy when they think of me as useless and incompetent.
whatever. different worlds...
nobody must think the path i've chosen is doable for themselves. imagine if everyone dropped out of employment to do it.
it's the thing... there will be a name for it. when you think someone is going to leave you and so you hate on them so you make them leave / feel like you have control over their leaving.
borderline personality.
it is like this whole country has it.
trauma response. yeah. coupled with immature emotion coping. yeah.
i've noticed that for the longest time...
one of the interviewers, actually, raised bullying.
it's funny... i thought people were bullies, rather, when i first arrived in aussie. the whole style of interaction in questions. other people didn't see it that way, though, they said they saw passionate people was all. i saw lots of bang thumping. now i'm remembering lots of who got to proclaim what was good and what was crap. and how it was a bully kind of a stand over thing. i guess the uni here is worried they haven't made me work for it sufficiently because i sort of stealth submitted so my advisor didn't get to bully / critique me the way one would expect in the field. so they are having a go with this examiner... only it isn't enough to justify not allowing me to complete for another 6 months.
it's all about whether it is too late for Auckland.
the processing thing seems to be about who you know. which is sad. i'm sad. but i got back in last time after being culled because i asked the right person... some social supports after all.
my friends are doing their best. it will be about this idea of feeling like you earned it and so on. maybe i will laugh later. i don' tknow. it feels like an awfully barbaric rite of passage to me. i would prefer we evolve past such things / abuses.
it is bullying. yes.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1102325
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/poli/20181106/msgs/1102329.html