Posted by alexandra_k on December 8, 2018, at 2:51:48
In reply to Re: I don't know what to do, posted by alexandra_k on December 8, 2018, at 2:42:51
sorry that didn't read well.
i don't mean i threatened to kill myself. i didn't say anything like that and i'm not threatening it.
i don't see a reason to live otherwise, though.
i know my friends have found reason in money and in the things money buys them. things like the power to bully others, i see.
but these aren't things that have incentivised me.
all i want is this...
i guess it is / will be about cutting ties. not my choice. but how can i take these people seriously as friends when they try and persuade me that i'm crap and incompetent and so on...
they like to see me powerless and so on...
that's not any kind of a friendship at all.
were we ever equals?
not really... or not for such a loooooong time.
i feel like that show... the truman show.. and this country is crumbling like the matrix. melting or crumbling. the facade of civilisation is crumbling here. those awful joker scream masks and people just laughing their faces off that they managed to keep me kicked and weak for so long...
and i think about how much time they spend on their jobs and what they do. i think about how my friend wrote his thesis and about him saying about how he could swim in the morning and work in the afternoon and that was a way to get it written... and i think about how hard i work... and i see that you have this awful bunch of bullies proclaiming that things are rubbish and crap. i thought my supervisor was different but i'm learning this year i misjudged her. i thought she got caught up in the gossip of others sometimes. now i'm seeing she's actually more of the major instigator.
she did not stand up for me. she misled me. lied to me? she genuinely thought i wasn't very adept / was incopmetent / wasn't able to cope with stress / was mentally ill kid.
she pretended to support my plans (when she thought they were pie in the sky unattainable). then when i was getting stuff done in time she went into denial and then outright opposition. now... it's practically tantrums and stabotage.
is it some kind of act for some higher purpose?
why does this part of things need to feel lonely?
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1102325
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/poli/20181106/msgs/1102327.html