Posted by Estella on August 9, 2006, at 7:54:38
In reply to Re: Your son, posted by kylenn on August 9, 2006, at 6:07:37
You are welcome.
I really am sorry that things turned out as they did on the thread (before and after the redirection). I got to reading back through it and you know... I think we actually have a lot of the same ideas about politics and stuff.I imagine that your job is pretty stressful. I don't mean that as a comment on how you are coping, I just mean that I imagine you get all kinds of people coming through the ER and when it is late and things are busy and stuff... Well I imagine it would be a little trying on my patience at times (hell, I don't know that I could do that kind of job).
The son thing is a bit of a hard one. I guess I'm thinking back to something that a councellor tried with me when I was at school. I wasn't allowed to do anything because I was always being punished for something. The councellor met with me and my mother and tried to help us agree on what things were reasonably to be expected of me in exchange for what kinds of things I could reasonably be allowed to do in exchange. The councellor was a helpful comparatively objective third party. It stopped the discussion between my mother and me disintegrating in unhelpful ways... It helped both of us sort out reasonable limits and reasonable things I would be allowed to do.
It was kind of helpful. He is a bit older than a teenager now, but sounds like this situation has been going on for a while now. Mj can also affect social and cognitive development so in many ways he might be more like a teenager than the young adult that he is.
But I do indeed think that it is realistic that he have some responsibility around the household. Doing laundry or chores or something like that. Maybe even something external too in exchange for you financially supporting him. Steps might have to be slow at first. A councellor might also be able to assess the extent of his drug use. Sometimes... Kids don't tell their parents all...
I guess the hardest part might be getting him along to see one. Also finding one that he can get along with. Does he have a father around? Maybe some kind of guy who he can respect and look up to a little as a positive role model would be a nice bet. Someone who isn't going to take sides... But someone who he can perceive as being on his side. I think it is likely that he doesn't think there is anything meaningful that he can do that he would enjoy. He is good at x-box so that makes it meaningful to him and a source of pride :-) It is about extending that into other areas. Especially if he had a bit of a hard time of it at school...
poster:Estella
thread:674781
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/poli/20060809/msgs/675141.html