Posted by Estella on August 9, 2006, at 6:00:07
In reply to Re: » kylenn, posted by Estella on August 8, 2006, at 23:46:57
Is their anyway that you could go to see a therapist with him? Not a matter of blaming or ganging up (on either of you) but more a matter of your being concerned about what he is doing with his life and your wanting him to try and talk to someone about what he wants to do with his life because... You can't keep on supporting him like that (financially) forever. You have other kids and retirement and medication and stuff like that that you have to worry about too.
Smoking dope and sleeping all day and sitting around all night playing x-box does sound kinda depressive / avoidant / drug abusive. I'm not thinking lazy so much as... There is something wrong, yeah. Drug abuse / addiction can be a problem. Can make you forget about the long term... What does he see himself doing in 5 years? How about 10?
Does he envisage staying at home with you forever? Does he want to maybe get married one day? If he could have any kind of job... What would he like to do? Are there related things? What could he do towards being able to do a job that he would like to do?
When he was little... What did he think he wanted to do?
Mj can make those plans kind of... Go out the window.
A councellor could help you both. Help him think about where he wants to go in life, what he wants to do, the kind of life he wants to have. Help you set limits on what you are prepared to do in the way of providing for him (x box live connection, food, clothing, rent etc) and what you expect from him in return.
Maybe starting with little steps like... Cleaning the house adequately in exchange for internet access. Maybe have a chat with a councellor and see how it goes. Come up with some things that you and your son can both agree to and then progress reports to therapist.
You know he isn't stupid... But does he? Maybe he has troubles with self esteem. Maybe he does think that he is stupid. Chatting to a councellor (by himself) might be able to help him sort some of that out... Perhaps.
Sometimes kids need... Boundaries. Direction. Limits. I imagine that is the hardest thing in the world. Really. I honestly don't know how people raise kids...
I'm sorry things are hard for you.
poster:Estella
thread:674781
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/poli/20060809/msgs/675127.html