Posted by alexandra_k on November 26, 2015, at 0:04:02
In reply to Re: better-ish, posted by alexandra_k on October 25, 2015, at 22:40:37
and there it is.
This was meant to be the year that would get me into medical school. Except of course, that it wouldn't. It is designed to get the top school leavers. For a variety of reasons. And I am not one of them. And so it did not get me.
And I'm okay with that.
I guess I made it clear... And I guess I was clear in myself that I wanted to do research and teaching and practice. Because there is this thing... The 'graduate student tsunami' they are calling it. There is / was a shortage of doctors and so the governments increased the intake of students and so now there is a tidal wave of graduates... And the problem is that there are too many young'uns and not enough people willing / able to look after them / train them. And they aren't at the level yet, of being competent left to their own devices.
And that's what's happened. The infant mortality rate fell. And so now there are Too Many children. Or adolescents. Or whathaveyou...
And I'm sorta kinda actually... Caught up in that. And that is why people say that they aren't sure they would have made it if they had to start out over. They aren't sure they would have been selected in the first place. They aren't sure they would have had the investment in them... That they needed.
I still have this thing about how we seem to be determined to invest in people who don't want / appreciate our investment. How we pass over those who do... There is still something in that. In our inability (I think actually our unwillingness) to select for people who would do best. I think nepotism is a significant part of it. Because we care... Because our caring blinds us to the bigger picture. There is a bunch of ethics stuff on that... On whether we have greater duty of care to those who are sufficiently related...
I'm an academic. My family are... Likeminded. That's all that matters to me. That makes me an alien to the Way Things Are.
Anyway.... I made it pretty clear and I was clear in my mind about the research thing... And so I don't mind that I get to do a medical science degree before applying back to med. I have 7 papers each year over the next two years till I'm done. And my place depends on that... So... It seems okay, to me.
I got an A for medsci. The first year one. The only medsci paper amongst the chemistry requirement etc etc etc. I got through the requirements - but didn't do well enough to be taken out at that point. Since I wasn't a high achieving school leaver (with calculus / chemistry / physics etc) and I wasn't a population health kinda person (happy to fit right in to providing no health care to the most vulnerable in the name of their 'best interests') there wasn't anything left to be done...
This could actually work out for me okay. Mostly... International students. Mostly... A vast body of knowledge to be learned. That's how it is starting to feel... There is a vast tract of knowledge... And I need to learn all of it. If not over the summer over the year if not over the year over the next summer... And so on... I guess... It culminates eventually in... Whatever step that is. If I want to take it that far...
We'll see how far I get. I suppose. We'll see.
I do still want to be a surgeon. Not sure if I'm too old to train... Hard to say. Impossible for me to tell... Onward, ho. At least I feel like I've come home. To some degree. After all the alien I've experienced over the last however many years... Since returning to this country.. I've finally come home to the international crowd, basically....
At least I've found it. Was worried that I'd f*ck*d up irrevokably. At least I've found it. Hard work... Will tell...
I think it will be okay.
It would have been worse to have gotten a place and then to have been failed out of it because my bio-chem (for instance) was too far behind. I am getting stuff... But I suppose it is taking me longer than some... It is taking me longer to get the biology case because I don't get the case in the abstract. I'm having to learn the graph interpretation skills / physics concepts / biochemistry as i go along... Every step of the way... And it just takes me longer to learn / understand stuff. I feel like... The kid who is slow to learn to talk... Because it makes more hearing discriminations than most... When I start to talk I'll be okay - I'm sure... But I'm still learning to talk medsci... ANd there are so f*ck*ng many respiratory graphs... And kidney biochem stuffs and so on... And it is interesting and all... And i DO get it (eventually).... But I am taking a while, I suppose.
And that's okay. I think. That's okay.
I get the opportunity to try. At least. And that is not insignificant. That is not insignificant at all. I think... I will be okay.
Pharmacology 2nd semester of next year... Huh. I think it's going to be okay.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1076978
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20150604/msgs/1084203.html