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Re: better-ish

Posted by alexandra_k on October 25, 2015, at 22:06:14

In reply to Re: better-ish, posted by alexandra_k on October 12, 2015, at 19:25:26

Exams one week today. Hmm.

I think I'm going to stick around another year. I don't have much choice, really. Happy to get accommodation renewed... But then realising that we don't do anatomy here, I'd have to move to another university, and it is a bit too late now, with accommodation. And not really anything comparable down there... It is ridiculous... But we simply don't have anywhere near enough habitable homes in this country. Just a bunch of glorified wooden shacks. Even the pretty old stone buildings were built by the scottish... Freezing f*ck*ng cold all the f*ck*ng time and we are raised to laugh at people who say they are cold and huddle under our coats indoors.

And wonder why there is so much pain, so much pain, so much pain growing up. Why you just want to curl up and die / hibernate or something for so much of the year.

I guess I'm worried that physiology will turn into physics. Respiratory sort of went that way and the lecturer started to get a bit tricky and be like 'well, that would have only helped people who understood it already' etc the way they do when they actually can't be *ss*d teaching anybody anything particularly. Basically... An exercise in graph reading and some calculations (simple to be fair) involving graphs and some facts we are supposed to know etc. But I'm worried about what will come in later years.

I'm starting to realise that I was really very lucky as an undergraduate before to get such a wonderful education. For my lecturers to have trained overseas... In the UK and the USA... For class sizes to be small. For lecturers to do their grading (for the most part) and take a big role in teaching graders / ensuring consistency etc.

Here... I'm seeing that the whole problem with starting over (one of the problems, at least) is that they just want to make money off of first years. The good students... There isn't a whole heap more content than what they did at school already. They basically get a year of making friends and learning how to cook etc. And there are so many kids who simply can't sit still for 50 minutes. Who are incapable of allowing the people around them to focus on the lecturer - who simply must get eye contact out of you on demand.

I see that they want to take a bunch of kids out - not make them suffer along with the others anymore. Take the doctors kids out, at least, get them started on a medical degree so they are less likely to fall in with...

Of course the worst of them simply won't be around next year. But biology seems to be doing a pretty terrific job of convincing them that everyone can succeed at university - no matter how dumb or ill motivated or unmotivated they might be. So, plenty of them will still be around next year..

The courses look interesting... Not sure how much they will be willing to throw people away, though. I got a D for one of my law assignments. Seems to be the thing that when a lecturer marks my essay I do really very well indeed. When a Masters student marks my essay then it doesn't conform to the one and only ideal that they have in their head (or a stupid f*ck*ng grading criterion document that they might have been given to try and help the stupid only to assist it to magnify still further). i see that some of our courses next year involve our peer grading 4 peoples assignments. apparently the lecturers will read a random sample, or something. sounds like... sh*t to me. complete sh*t. is this really what an education is around the world? Is this science? group posters in third year? get the smart people doing everyones work so the dumb and ill motivated get their degrees? really? my GPA is determined by crap like that?

?

seems so.

I mean... what alternative is there? i don't have power... people with power... i kind of want to say seem determined to abuse it. but the more exposure i have to 'the people' the less empathy i have for them. people...

you have to look out for yourself - because nobody else is going to. everyone is just looking out for themself. it isn't about prosociality, or whatever. people have this idea of a hierarchy... they only want power for what it can do for them... it's pretty rubbish, actually. people give very bad advice because they don't give advice on the basis of looking out for the people they are advising. they give advice that keeps them in work.

i thought medicine was different.

i'm not sure that there is medicine anymore. i think the selfish fools have ruined it for everyone.

all there is is the power to look out for yourself. which is a huge f*ck*ng thing, indeed. the idea of... doing unto others... seems to be lost here.

this is why they take them out?

i think they come to the same sorts of realisations once they get to clinical...

i think i'll be okay in medsci. 2 more years... B+ average to apply... will have to see, I guess. The main thing seems to be to hide the fact that I want to apply / hide the fact that you are doing well enough to apply. because if certain people get wind of thinking that you might get to.. but you aren't going to make serving their interests your top priority... then they will do everything they can to f*ck you over. which really doesn't seem to be hard, in this part of the world (and perhaps in others too).

i mean.. give something a D and what is the person going to do about it? what can you do about it? complain... 'university policy was followed'. they say. throw thousands of dollars into something to have a masters student not like the fact that you don't suck up to her hard enough.

this country... there is something special about here. pretty darned sure of it.

it will be better in medsci. more international people. less locals.

beam me up.

 

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