Posted by alexandra_k on August 21, 2013, at 19:08:01
In reply to Re: Letting go » Dinah, posted by Phillipa on August 21, 2013, at 17:46:57
My Mother is getting to the point of needing care, too. She wants me to live with her... Though I'm not actually sure that is true. I think it is more that she is deeply afraid of giving up her house.
When I'm there... She can't leave me alone. She never could... But I guess she is worse now... Sneaks in to watch me sleeping, even, which I personally find truly creepy / disturbing.
I personally think she will have a ball in an old folks home. The one that Granddad went to... He still did his forest and bird outings and he got to play bridge more regularly etc etc. Like... Like summer camp. Like being a child again. You can spend all day playing... You don't have to worry about cleaning or cooking or household or work chores...
But then I think about how much I long for my independence now. I long to have... Precisely what my Mother has got. A little refuge to myself where I can close up all the curtains and just do my thing. And I see that that is what she is afraid of. People who will make her get up and sit in the lounge with all the other people when what she most wants is to curl up in bed and be by herself. Other people believing they know what is best...
It is hard. Sometimes I am wrong about what is best for me. I need to learn the hard way, though, I suspect most of us do.
What helped my grandfather making the transition (we stayed with him between grandma dying and his moving into the home) was visiting the home. He got to walk around the gardens and chat to the gardners... They said he could have a space to do gardening in and he could do whatever he liked... He got to ask about the stuff that concerned him. His forest and bird outings. I think there was stuff about his getting to decide about retreating to his room vs hanging out in communal spaces with the herd, too.
I can't imagine anything worse than being with most people most of the time.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1049420
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20130811/msgs/1049452.html