Posted by Willful on May 25, 2011, at 23:32:14
In reply to Re: vacation anxiety, posted by Willful on May 25, 2011, at 10:24:00
I'm glad you've had an experience with dbt, fb, so maybe what I'm saying made a little more sense.
The idea with coping ahead is that you will have some coping skills that you use-- like distraction, or reframing, or listening to comedy, or - or music that puts you into a different space-- whichever ones you find most effective. I often listen to certain music or meditate--as the ones you can often do in situations of stress. Focusing on your breath is my favorite and it's something you can always do, which is another reason I like it so much.
The idea is if you have a distressing situation that's coming up, to use 'coping ahead," you try imagine the situation in as immediate a way as you can. Then you practice what skills or abilities you can use in the situation to reduce the anxiety that you feel about it.
For example, I don't like vacations either-- although I have a good time after I get there (usually). So I would bring to mind going on the vacation and allow all the negative emotions to start, but instead of following them along, I would try to think of the idea of being "willing" (ie willing to give up or release the negative emotion) and of accepting the reality that I"m going, but that I have a lot of power over the thoughts and feelings I have about it.
I can say to myself-- this vacation is going to be a disaster, I'm going to be exhausted and overwhelmed the whole time, it's not fair... etc-- or I can think about the enjoyment I know actually will have---and try really to imagine the enjoyment, to say, the vacation can be fun, or interesting, and I can do it== I often used to say a phrase, in my case "I can do it"-- when I was really stressed out and feeling that I couldn't. And this phrase would make me feel stronger--
and then I would continue to think about the negative emotions, which would arise again, and I would focus on my breath, or on where in my body I felt the tightness or stiffness that came with the feelings-- and I would try to relax my chest or my face (or whatever it was) as i was doing the breathing. Sometimes I say a little phrase to myself when I meditate, and sometimes i focus on my breath, or just let my mind be somewhat empty, and bring it back to my breath if I find myself thinking.
But the idea is to use whatever works for you while you're imagining that distressing situation, so then when it actually happens, you've prepared how you want to respond-- and it becomes easier when you feel tense or pressured in the situation to use your coping skills.
I hope this helps a little.
Willful
Emsam.
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poster:Willful
thread:985965
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20110517/msgs/986246.html