Posted by Noa on July 9, 2008, at 18:17:15
In reply to Re: Bullies, posted by TexasChic on July 8, 2008, at 20:39:12
so sorry you are having to deal with this bully boss! I, too have had a couple of bully bosses. One eventually got a little tamer toward me but I saw her bully other people and hated that. A few co-workers came and went (to and from our team) because they couldn't take it. I think I survived as long as I did because there was a point at which her office was moved pretty far away from mine in the building, so at least I didn't have her--literally--breathing down my neck! She is someone that I think has no clue how much of a bully she really is, though. She can be very generous with gifts, etc. which always made me cringe--she would buy me birthday gifts (I never returned the favor, btw). And I've seen her take younger workers under her wing, helping them when they first move to town, etc. And as long as they like to be doted on (read: smothered!), things can go along well for a while. But there was only one that I know of who didn't pull away--well, maybe she eventually would have but she moved away first! And besides, she was super needy and looking for a mother type. But I digress. So, the bully is super generous especially materially. And when she is feeling secure, she is good with compliments, etc. But if there is any reason for her to feel insecure, which happens frequently, because she isn't so skilled or knowledgable compared to most of the rest of us in that department, she gets mean. She easily gets into conflicts that never needed to be a conflict and then feels victimized. Ie, not so good at tact or empathy, and very egocentric. And the thing is she sees herself as someone who was bullied as a kid! I think it's cuz she comes on SO strong and overwhelms people so I could see other kids might have started to exclude her. And she probably tried to buy friends with gifts etc. But she is loud, critical, has poor boundaries--physically, she stands way too close, for example, making a person feel 'trapped', and it became apparent to some of us that she had done a lot of gossiping through informal channels, sending erroneous and not so good impressions of subordinates up the informal channels to the higher ups, and then seems totally unaware of her role in that, and doing things like yelling (literally) criticism and orders in public, which can be very humiliating, although I learned to stay calm and try not to engage, and think about the fact that it was she who was acting shamefully!
OK, I could go on but I don't want to hijack your thread with all this venting (feels good, though!).
All of this is to say that having a bully boss really stinks and I feel for you. I'm glad the company has an official process for confidential reporting of bullying, and I hope that their follow-through is equally professional and well-executed. And mostly I should say--brava! to you for filing the report.
Hang in there, and know that you don't deserve to be bullied!
poster:Noa
thread:838524
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080702/msgs/839039.html