Posted by Racer on March 6, 2008, at 16:04:49
In reply to Re: Maybe it's a question of perspective? » Racer, posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on March 6, 2008, at 12:24:25
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> In relation to humans, I really can't believe how the masses have abused and misused the concept of 'tough love'.I agree -- the concept of "tough love" strikes me as misinterpreting the fundamental problem, in many cases. (I won't say most, only because I'm against anything that smacks of absolutes or generalizations about human behavior this week...) Also, I'm cynical -- it seems to me that most of the people I've heard encourage "tough love" tactics are more tough than loving... (I'm trying to be diplomatic. My guess is that there was someone who was gentle, loving, and well meaning who came up with the idea in the first place, and that I haven't come across that sort -- my innocence, not a problem with the concept itself.)
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> And, by that, I don't mean constantly using exception statements like, "You are good, but..."..I grind my teeth when I hear anything like that -- "Don't get me wrong, I like [x], but..." Um, yeah, I'm not getting you wrong -- you just don't like [x]!
I guess what I was trying to say, badly, because I'm not communicating well this week, is that it can be caring to let someone know that you expect a certain respect for social conventions. I am late, so can't continue this now. What I'm talking about has a lot more to do with limit setting by parents, or encouraging good behavior in horse training through negative reinforcement -- you don't punish, you just make doing the right thing a whole lot more pleasant. You also have to make it easy, by being clear what your expectations are.
Gotta run.
poster:Racer
thread:816253
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080303/msgs/816599.html