Posted by Enigma on July 31, 2007, at 19:42:47
In reply to Re: Where are you supposed to find good friends? » Enigma, posted by ConfuzyQ on July 30, 2007, at 15:24:43
One of the worst "traits", or "curses" I have, that I've had ever since I was a child, is that I have a vivid, perfect memory of all those times when people hurt me, all the way down to grade-school. I remember negative events like they happened yesterday.
Of course, I also have the inability to remember good times and positive events. I can only remember those going back a very short period of time, and the negative events always dominate the thoughts in my mind.
I grew up with very negative parents who dwelled on the 1/2 empty side of life ritualisticly. I did better when I was finally able to move away from home, but the negativity in my mind still dominates my thoughts.
So, every past failure (with friendships, etc) pushes me further and further away from people, and repeat experiences. I just assume the same bad things will happen again, and I can't deal with getting hurt over and over again.
The depression keeps me indoors a lot, and away from some of those social events you mentioned. Also, I don't have enough positive energy in me to be a coach, assist at fundraisers, volunteer, and things like that. It's just not my style. Being hurt so much has made me severely cynical and jaded. Even when people are nice here, I wonder what their "angle" is. Sad, even though I do believe some people are genuinely kind...Kinda funny story... An old coworker I haven't talked to in a year I guess, I thought I'd email and say hello. Turns out he not only met a girl, but got married and now has a baby girl! This is a guy that couldn't meet a girl to save his life too... and guess what? He met her through eharmony. Kinda ironic considering we're on the same subject matter...
Anyway, thanks for the kind words and suggestions.
poster:Enigma
thread:772685
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20070707/msgs/773166.html