Posted by Enigma on July 31, 2007, at 19:23:00
In reply to Re: checked nm by mistake..., posted by adelaide curtis on July 30, 2007, at 12:47:43
> ..when depressed i hate everything about my self...i cant stand to look in the mirror..cant leave the house..cant get out of bed..
> i do horrible things to myself ..
> i crawl out from under the rock from time to time and wonder where everyone has gone?
> oh yah...i killed them offI don't know the exact name of the style of writing you are using, but I get the impression 1/2 of is true to the letter, and the other 1/2 is analogy.
I don't hate myself when I'm depressed. I hate my depression. I treat it like the disease that it is. What I'm like when I'm depressed is NOT me. It's not who I am. I wasn't always like this. There was a ME BEFORE the depression, and "he" appears here and there when the depression isn't as bad. If I were you, I would attempt to look at yourself the same way.
What are the horrible things you do to yourself? Again, don't attack yourself when your real target is the disease. Try to think of it that way if you can.
When you say you killed them off.. Do you mean that you drove them away? I used to be more bipolar than I am now (now the depression has replaced it), so I drove some people away with my mania. They just couldn't take my hyper personality. In addition to this, my inflated anger destroyed some friendships as well, but I don't miss those people. They were garbage friends, and after I'd had enough of their crap, I let them know what kind of people they were and ended things (usually badly). Sad that this has happened so many times in my life.
How do you treat your depression? If it makes you feel any better, I'm highly treatment resistant, and have tried and failed with 20-30 different drugs. I went through many doctors as well, as some literally said they don't know how to help me! I'm currently on no AD's, as I can't find one that works, and am on my 2nd round of ECT treatments. The jury is still out on the ECT.
I hope you can find some peace.
poster:Enigma
thread:772685
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20070707/msgs/773160.html