Posted by TexasChic on January 29, 2006, at 21:57:47
In reply to Re: Bad Day 2 » TexasChic, posted by Phillipa on January 27, 2006, at 21:37:07
Not nosey, this is the place to ask. Its depression and anxiety with some OTC 'tendencies'.
I've gone the whole med cocktail merry-go-round, and found out good old Prozac works best for me by far. The episode I went through last week is rare (and there are alot of other things I've been avoiding that I now think contributed to the whole thing). I think I just need to start therapy again so my paranoia doesn't take control. It helped before just to have someone to bounce things off of and be told honestly (and professionally) whether or not I'm overreacting. I thought I was at the point where I could figure it out for myself, but obviously not. I'm going to try to make an appointment with a new T this week.
My childhood was far from stable. My Dad was indiscribably domineering and had extreme fits of rage. Plus he was a preacher, and his control extended to even our thoughts. Even 'thinking' about questioning our religious beliefs was considered a sin. I always thought he would one day kill us all and then himself. There was reason to believe this.
We also later found out he molested a couple of my cousins and some other little girls. Although I have no memories of being molested, I do have some strange half memories that concern me. I don't think I'll ever know for sure. He passed away when I was 20.
During High School and my early to mid 20's, I was a suicidal wreck. My childhood left me feeling that I was incapable of living any sort of normal life. My self esteem was zero. The thought of taking care of myself was incomprehensible. I didn't get my liscense until I was 20, and I didn't move out of my parents until about 23 or so (and that was living with another relative).
Then I started meds, and later therapy, and life completely turned around for me. Its been a steady never ending fight tooth and nail, but I'm beyond anything I ever dreamed of for myself (I never thought I'd be alive this long).
A couple of years ago I tried Lexapro to see if it would work better than Prozac, and I felt like I lost my freaking mind. I really think I had or at least came close to a nervous breakdown. My doc convinced me try it for 6 months before I begged her to put me back on Prozac. Now I take Prozac 80 mg a day along with 300 mg of Wellbutrin. This is the most normal I've ever felt in my life. I think my meds are as good as it gets, but we all know it takes more than that. (BTW, Lexapro works GREAT for some people, just not for me).
As for the 'other things', I've never really dealt that well with my Grandmother's death back in June. And now my Mom is selling her house, which I can't even begin to describe how much that affects me. Its the only place I ever considered home. Plus it represents me letting go and dealing with Grandmother's death. Add that to the fact that the rest of my family is insanely disfunctional and trying to drag me down with them, and I think you got the makings for a crying jag.
-T
poster:TexasChic
thread:598840
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060124/msgs/604325.html