Posted by harryp on May 15, 2004, at 19:32:29
In reply to Advice would be appreciated!, posted by Will_Hung on May 11, 2004, at 23:25:25
Hate to say this, but your girlfriend is showing all the symptoms of poorly controlled borderline disorder. Lots of people with BPD are awesome, and can be unusually sensitive and compassionate. (I like to think I'm one of them. :-})
Unfortunately, some people with this condition just can't control themselves, and you will never succeed in getting them to change their behavior until they recognize it as a problem.
For the sake of your own mental health (and her well-being, too--sooner or later she'll wonder why she keeps losing boyfriends and possibly become motivated to try therapy) you DEFINITELY should axe this contract, and break up gently but firmly.
This will be difficult, and I guarantee she won't be the adult, so you have to be. Don't get angry, don't accept "I promise to change" (she can't change at will) and don't allow any ambiguity, like continuing to do things together and possibly making up. Out of desparation, she will definitely take advantage of you.
I understand your worries about being alone, but having a good therapist can help with that while you rebuild your social life. Your girlfriend means you no harm, but because of an illness she cannot yet control she will continue to have devastating effects on your personal life and mental health as long as you are in the relationship.
Hope this helps...
(It takes one to know one)
poster:harryp
thread:345996
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040507/msgs/347239.html