Posted by Susan J on September 26, 2003, at 14:31:08
In reply to How to get better at the whole people thing, posted by HannahW on September 26, 2003, at 13:18:43
> I've made some efforts to deepen relationships with some of my casual friends, but so far haven't had much luck in making any real connections.
<<Hiya. I've gone through that phase several times in my adult life (I'm 36) and it can be horribly lonely. It become harder as you age and get out of school. I think you are doing the right thing, trying to strengthen current friendships. People don't seem to put the effort into meeting and nurturing friendships the way they do romantic relationships.
> I don't work with anyone within 15 years of my age, and I haven't been active in church in years. Other than those two places, where do people make friends? And how do I know if I'm doing it right?
<<Someone else mentioned volunteering, which might be great for you. It's difficult for me. I don't like going into groups where I don't know a soul. Maybe get one of your friends to go with you? But joining little groups of people with common interests should be helpful. Do you have a group of coworkers who have a book club going? Could you start one? Book clubs are good because they generally aren't limited to "work" or whatever and some stray folks might drop in.I think you are "doing it right" if you are sincere about the whole thing. There is a group around here called Single Volunteers and they go do volunteer work in the morning and then hang out together for lunch. Or if you meet someone at the book club or something similar, exchange phone numbers and/or e-mail and drop a note every once in a while. Discuss a book online.
Personal Pet Peeve of Mine:
When there is an established group of people, they seem to *rarely* invite the new person or single person or whatever in to join them in activities. I was taught it was the polite thing to do. How come folks don't do it much anymore? If they did, it would be easier for Hannah, and me, and others facing the same dearth of friends, to meet new people.
Sooooo, to everyone here in an established group of friends/coworkers, please invite a new coworker or new group member or single person along for lunch, movie, coffee, or whatever, please. :-)
Good luck,
And if you live anywhere near Washington, DC/Baltimore area, wanna get coffee? :-)
poster:Susan J
thread:263517
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030913/msgs/263538.html