Posted by octopusprime on September 21, 2003, at 6:32:08
In reply to Re: octoprime, posted by kara lynne on September 20, 2003, at 23:21:50
well kara lynne it's 4:19 am on sunday morning and i'm starting to write this post.
i'm having many of the same pangs you are this weekend. gotta call, he said he loves me, he wouldn't want me to hurt. gotta call, sleeping alone is not doing it for me. gotta call, don't know how to explain to well-meaning family and friends why he's gone.
but i didn't call.
this scab i'm not picking.
it hurts, i mean, my heart physically feels heavy right now.
but then i think - what would i get from talking to him? more hurt. what if he rejects me again? can't face that, so i won't call. do i really want to carry on a relationship with somebody that would leave me at the drop of a hat without talking about it? no. so what would calling him achieve? nothing. so i tough it out.
i'm throwing money at my bad feelings in hopes that they will go away. on friday i left work early to go for a hike around a lake. yesterday i spoiled my cousin's kids rotten. tomorrow i have an aromatherapy massage. tuesday is my first drum lesson.
i was thinking about this when i was walking around the lake. i'm dying to call my ex, find out what the heck he was thinking and to see if he's miserable without me and thinks he made a huge mistake. but i would sabotage my own efforts to heal and get over him. i've decided to give myself some time to build a new life for me. right now i'm still mourning the old, and i haven't had time to construct anything new. i think two months, three months, is a good no-contact timeframe for me. i need to give myself a shot.
((kara lynne))
i hope you slept better.
talk to your doc and tweak your meds if you're not feeling rested.
poster:octopusprime
thread:260066
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030913/msgs/262130.html