Posted by Susan J on August 18, 2003, at 8:46:53
In reply to Re: How to prevent a man from turning into a child? » Susan J, posted by Ted on August 15, 2003, at 21:26:01
> You might have cause-and-effect confused. It may be more likely that there is a personality trait of such men that you are attracted to.
<<Perhaps. I don't feel confident enough in this aspect of my life to really say I know what is going on. I "think" they are healthy and open and caring when I meet them, and those are definitely attractive traits to me....I don't know where it goes wrong. Still working on that.
> Does your therapist tell you exactly how to do this? I am interested in his/her instructions for finding an emotionally healthy mate.
<<Hahah! Great question! No, she hasn't told me how to do that. I go back tomorrow, and I'll ask her. She is a very supportive person, but I don't know how much practical advice she can give me.> I wouldn't say just how compatible we are. Ours hasn't be the best of marriages, but we have made it work for over 16 years.
<< I certainly don't want to pry, and since I've never been married, I really have nothing to compare it to. But is it not the "best" of marriages because it doesn't live up to some ideal our culture portrays, or has it been really hard? I lived with a boyfriend for several years. It was so difficult for me, it really damaged me as a human being. While I don't think I was depressed while living with him, it started soon after. Almost like the war was over, now I can collapse kind of thing...I don't know if I experienced the typical ups and downs of a "marriage" or not. But if it was a typical marriage, I don't think I'm cut out for it.
In any event, good luck with everything. I respect someone who's been able to manage a relationship with its ups and downs for 16 years.
Susan
poster:Susan J
thread:250497
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030818/msgs/251797.html