Posted by Kar on August 12, 2003, at 7:32:36
In reply to Complaining about the ex-boyfriend, posted by Tabitha on August 11, 2003, at 22:06:07
>At one point we talked and he agreed we were OK as friends
You brought this up and he agreed? I guess thar's a big difference...
You talk of different expectations in your romantic relationship...I think that applies to friendships too. In addition to that, I wonder (guys, help me out here and explain the phenomenon) if a relationship (I dont remember how long it was) can ever easily switch to "just friends"...can a guy ever handle that dynamic? Is the Harry Met Sally theory true? That guys can never be "friends" with a woman without wanting to sleep with her? Cuz if that's true then it will add yet another stressor to the relationship. Do you think we're the ones that usually use the "let's just be friends" thing? Is it because we don't really want to lose the support completely or is it because we just don't want to say, "You're out, buddy boy" and hurt their feelings?Someone asked what YOU are getting out of this- I think that's really really important. Esp since the whole dynamic has changed.
>Sometimes it felt really manipulative to me
If that's how it feels, chiquita, then I wonder about this.>spending most of the day giving him emotional support instead.
That's introspective of you. I think you probably already know how a "friendship" (what you consider a friendship) might play out.
>and has been so depressed lately,
It's esp. hard, isn't it?- when we KNOW what it's like to be down?>I did give him lots of reassurance that he's still attractive to me.
Is he? It may seem beside the point but...
> He called the next day to chat like nothing had happened.
grr.
>It just feels like I'll always give more than I get from this relationship.
Well there's you "aha!" dearie. I stayed in a relationship way too long, knowing full well that I was giving so much more than he was. Thinking things would change. It just doesn't feel good and it's not good for you.
It ain't fair...Oy that things were simpler...
poster:Kar
thread:250141
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030808/msgs/250198.html