Posted by Mercury on July 23, 2003, at 0:55:37
In reply to Still Reeling in Confusion and Hurt of Infidelity, posted by Temmie on July 22, 2003, at 23:55:48
Hey Tamster, let me try to answer some of these questions for you. Maybe it will bring a bit of clarity.
Q - How can a man go from ... pardon me ... but intimacy with one -- to intimacy with another? His lips ... his hands ... you know -- how does one do that?
A - Men are not naturally monogamists. We have to work at it. Those of us who with defective characters may find it impossible to overcome our animal impulses. Especially those of us who are alcoholics. As Paul most certainly is.
Q - How can he tell me over the phone (and in Jane's company), that I'm the one he truly loves (with her sobbing in the background)?
A - Paul is incredibly selfish and self centered. He has lost his capacity to empathize with others. He has no sense of shame, or remorse, or integrity. Its all been washed away by the drugs and booze.
Q - How can he not understand the betrayal? ("That's just the way I am?")
A - He understands just fine. He just doesn't care. He doesn't care about you, or Jane or anyone but himself. He only cares about drugs and alcohol. If he doesn't get clean, I'll bet he's dead or in jail in a year...2 tops.
Q - Is this what being a sociopath is?
A - Yes. And your continued relationship with him keeps you in danger.
Q - What makes sexual infidelity taboo?
A - I think that in this case we're talking less about "infidelity" and more about "abuse". He's actively abusing you. Right now. And Jane too.
Q - How can he "go back" with Jane, when supposedly she's the one who attacked him -- more than once, I understand -- and whether I understand it correctly or not, their relationship was certainly a volatile one.
A - Because he is insane.
Q - How can he go back with the one who filed assault and battery charges against him, causing all manner of legal/employment/financial snafus?
A - See previous answer.
Q - How can he not understand the nature of commitment, fidelity and truth?
A - See previous answer.
Q - Why do I continue to feel so connected with this one??? You know? On such a deep ... solar level ... nd what can I do to really start unhooking from those snares?
A - There's nothing wrong with caring for someone. You just have to know when its appropriate to put yourself first. And in this case sister, its more than appropriate. I think you need to give yourself permission to put yourself first in this case.
Those are my answers. I hope they help. Now this is my advice to you again. Leave him ALONE. Don't talk to him ever again. Cut him off for good. And totally. He's bad for you. You are in danger as long as you stay connected to him.
Now go have that coffee. The blue jeans are "ok" but leave the Birkenstocks for another time. **smile**
Mercury
poster:Mercury
thread:244403
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030719/msgs/244415.html