Posted by WorryGirl on April 13, 2003, at 16:44:02
In reply to Lonely, posted by Miller on April 13, 2003, at 1:47:00
> I am very lonely right now. It is because my husband is away. But more than that, when he is home, we are so seperated. I remember what our relationship was like. We used to have fun. We used to enjoy each other.
>
> It used to be that we were comfortable whether we were talking or not. Now the silences are deafening and hostile.
>
> I ask myself if it is too late to save what we had. Have I driven the love of my life away? Am I destined to be alone the rest of my life? Can I survive yet another divorce? The first was hard enough. I never loved him the way I love my husband now. He is the love of my life.
>
> Is this what depression is supposed to teach us? That when we wallow in our sadness, we lose everything that is important? Please say it isn't so.
>
> Of all my regrets from my past, none would top the loss of my husband. He is everything to me. Why can't I show it anymore? Where have I gone?
>
> -Miller
>
>Miller,
I can't even begin to tell you how much I understand. My crazy behaviour (alternately either my depression or hostility/suspicion) has driven him away from me so many times.And I love him so much that it scares me to think of what I would do without him.
If you just try to let him know how much he means to you and somehow try to show him how hard your trying. I know it's easier said than done. They don't believe you're trying when your behavior says otherwise to them.
If I can get him relaxed (alcohol works wonders for our relationship - not good, right?) he is a lot more receptive to me. It's when he is stressed out that I fear losing him. How can he be expected to handle my problems when he is dealing with so many of his own (almost always work related).
And he, too, travels, but fortunately not as often as he has in the past. I always feel the absolute loneliest during these times, especially if the traveling is on the weekend. I feel that this is one reason we have been getting along better lately. My mood, in general, is much better than it has been in a long time. I keep wondering how long it will last and will the next wave of depression or anxiety be even worse? Mine do keep getting worse.
I know how it feels to love someone so much, and to need them and to feel so distant from them. You can cry on my shoulder anytime.
PS Although it's often the last thing we feel like sex works wonders. They need it so much, even when they don't act like it and they really want to believe that we are as into it as they are. Don't know if this applies to you, though.
poster:WorryGirl
thread:218948
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030407/msgs/219048.html