Posted by shar on November 12, 2002, at 9:46:49
In reply to I hate myself, posted by BeardedLady on November 12, 2002, at 6:03:44
whoa, whoa, whoa!!! Stop! I hate it that you feel bad, and I hate that you can't sleep...this is all very upsetting, and I want it to stop so you can feel better again.
Damn. It sounds like you were blindsided and those old unhelpful thoughts and feelings just swamped you.
I hope you get back to your sassy self soon.
Shar
> Just venting, ranting.
>
> But what do you do when your life-saving sleeping pills don't work, and you've already upped your Serzone to the panic dose?
>
> Woke up at 2:40 for the third time last night. Thought: no biggie. I've slept five and a half hours. Then my daughter needed her bed changed, so I helped her, and then I figured I'd pop a sonata and get three more hours, since I have to teach tonight.
>
> I went in the guest room and tossed and turned and tossed and thought and thought and thought, and nothing I did could stop it and make me fall asleep. I lay there for two hours waiting for the pill to work, like it always does.
>
> Then my eyes started doing weird things while they were closed--getting brighter and darker in waves. And when I opened my eyes (it was still dark), they were doing the same thing with my eyes opened.
>
> Now I feel like my eyes are all migrainey, like every bright object is being burned into my retina (which is how I usually feel; a flash from a camera can stay in my eyes for about twenty minutes).
>
> Even when I don't take a Sonata, I can usually fall asleep by myself at exactly two hours, but it didn't happen.
>
> I've had a cold for a week and have been taking Nyquil at 1:00 a.m. But before that I was taking sleeping pills more often than not. After the sniper was caught, I had about five days of great sleep in a row. Now I'm back to this early morning awakening.
>
> Why would the sleeping pill, which worked in fifteen minutes the night before last, not work at all last night? What's wrong with my eyes? When will I get right again?
>
> I am so depressed. I've been crying all morning. And the crazy thing is there's absolutely nothing wrong; in fact, it's all going pretty well. I just can't get my sleep clock to work.
>
> I'm sinking.
>
> And I feel even worse for posting my stupid loser rant under Roman's post, when he really needs help. I know that, yet I posted anyway, being the pathetic, self-absorbed whiner that I am.
>
> I make myself sick. Those are the key words right there. Very telling.
>
> What kind of role model can I be for my daughter?
>
> bleary-eyed beardy
>
>
poster:shar
thread:32118
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021106/msgs/32127.html