Posted by sid on May 5, 2002, at 21:47:09
In reply to Sibling Loss, posted by Paige on May 5, 2002, at 19:21:55
First let me offer you my deepest condolences. You just went through a very very difficult event, especially since it was due to cancer. I know the feeling of not being able to do anything and feeling guilty just for being alive while someone else passed away.
I think the best advice I can give you is: talk about her, talk about her death, talk about how you feel. Do you know a support group for friends and family of cancer victims? There are some in most cities, and I think it can help a lot. Talk to her friends, the rest of your family. Not all the time about her and her death of course, else you'll wear everybody out, but from time to time, as they can take it, when it feels right. Others surely need to talk about it too, so they may be happy to do so with you.
What NOT to do: keep all your feelings bottled up. Remain cold and not caring too much about life. You seem numb, which is, I think, a defense mechanism so you don't lose it completely after such a difficult situation. It's OK for a while, but your feelings must come out and you need to get back to life eventually.
You could also go to a counsellor / therapist, specifically for grief/mourning therapy, to help you get through this. It is very common to do that because people are often at a loss after the death of a loved one.
When my father died of cancer I also read about mourning - the diferent stages of it, how to cope. But I remained too alone and I did not grieve properly fast enough. I think it hurt me in the long run. I was too intellectual about it, not emotional enough. Next time I need to mourn someone, I'll make sure to talk, cry, scream at the top of my lung if I feel like it. The emotions need to come out and to be felt and lived through so you can get to something good after.
All that said, I wish you good things in the future, and the strength to get through this and come out stronger.
- sid
poster:sid
thread:23149
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020430/msgs/23158.html