Posted by akc on December 3, 2001, at 15:03:26
In reply to siblings, posted by sar on December 3, 2001, at 14:33:32
Sar,
I am sad that you find it necessary to pull away from family. My family has become very much my cheerleading squad as I battle my demons. I don't know what I would do without them. But I also know that some family units are toxic. And that it is better to stay away, than to try to continue the relationships for "family sake."
Until I went to treatment for my drinking three years ago, my sister and I had an on-again, off-again relationship at best. As kids, we fought horribly. These past three years, we have worked at being friends. It is hard. She says that she will do things, then promptly forgets (truly -- she just forgets) -- it took me a while to figure that one out and quit taking it personally.
I have two brothers. One I hardly know -- he moved into his dad's house (all my siblings are "halves") when I was young. He isn't into building connections. I tried for awhile, but I don't like one sidedness in a relationship, so I gave up. My sister (his full sister) keeps in contact with him).
My other brother. I worship the ground he walks on. And he happened to marry the neatest person in the world, who has become one of my best friends. If we don't talk at least twice a week, something is usually wrong. I don't actually talk much with my brother, himself. But that is okay (he is on the quite side). I'm just lucky to have him and his wife in my life.
My sister best understands my illness. My brothers both are somewhat of the attitude that you pull yourself up by your bootstraps, but they don't judge me -- they just have a hard time understanding. My sister-in-law really works at understanding, and which she doesn't, it just doesn't really matter -- again, she is just a neat, caring person.
Given the horrible abuse all of us suffered at my father's hands, it is amazing that we do so well as a family unit.
Again, something I have to be grateful for. And another reason to have hope. I just hope it is enough to get me through these dark periods.
akc
poster:akc
thread:14812
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011130/msgs/14819.html