Posted by Kristi on September 24, 2001, at 12:12:45
In reply to what are words? do they matter?, posted by sar on September 24, 2001, at 1:32:17
Hi Sar....
You mentioned how good your mind is at blocking things out. Great quality I might add. I don't necessarily believe EVERYTHING has to be out in the open.
It sounds to me like you didn't think anything about this being rape until your friend brought it up... I guess the only thing you can do in this situation is what your good at---- block it out. Simply, if you don't want to add it to you repetoir.. don't. Cuz you may never know.
I don't remember any of my life until probably around age 10 or 11. I'm 33 years old now. A few years ago my brother told me that I lived with my grandparents until about that age. I WAS FLOORED. So obviosly I blocked that entire time frame out ... weird. I wanted to get hypnotized.. to see what happened back then... then thought... well, if my subconscience wants me to block out 10 years, there must be a reason and I'm not meant to know. My brother did tell me that he remembers(my grandfather was a coalminer in PA) that my grandfather used to lock me in the coal bin all day and send my brother down with some food and water. Crazy or what? Yet it doesn't hurt.... I don't remember it.
Anyway..... I went off the subject their... sorry.Have you been wondering about this since July, or was it telling your friend that made you think about it again and wonder? It' s nice that you found a friend you can share stuff like that with. Glad for ya. I wanted to ask.... do you go to school? Or have a job? I only know certain things about you.... believe it or not, nothing on the surface.
Take care hon..... you'll be ok, as you always are. Kristi
> hello...
>
> i've been hesitant to post this. a few months ago, in july, i started a thread called "headache" in which i described having drunken sex with a bum who was squatting in my old burned-down house. what i didn't write was that i don't remember how a kiss turned into sex, but i do remember being, ahem, pardon me, f*cked, like i didn't move at all, i was on my back in a drunken daze letting this guy do his thing, and my minf was playing tricks on me telling me it was my friend M. that i was having sex with.
>
> so a few days ago i bonded heavily & nicely with this girl who has anxiety and depression, along with PTSD from abuse and having been raped, and when i told her the story of having sex with the bum she took a long drag from her cigarette and said, "i think you were raped." based on that i was really out of my mind and non-particpant, put i did *acquisce.*
>
> i don't know that labels qualify as very much anyway, i don' want to feel like a rape-survivor...o don't want it to be part of my repertoire....but my mind vlocks things out, i become nihislistic, who knows how much i agreed or disagreed?
>
> anyway, here's my question: as a kid and teenager, i was verbally and physically abused pretty badly, and the results have resurfaced in my quasi-adult life. i'm just wondering if this sounds like rape or drunk sex--please be honest; i've gotta deal with it either which way...
>
> thanks,
> sar
poster:Kristi
thread:11709
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010915/msgs/11725.html