Posted by Suedehead on December 3, 2008, at 8:45:38
In reply to Relationship with your T in your head?, posted by FindingMyDesire on December 3, 2008, at 0:35:11
I haven't been around lately due to end-of-semester stress, and I feel weird about posting so sporadically, but I wanted to answer this one, as it's actually a question that my T asks me a lot himself. One of the things we're working on, in fact, is my tendency to conduct relationships in *general* in my head. So, here goes...
1. It differs mainly in that I'm able to 'emote'. In session, I'm pretty withholding in that respect. We have a great rapport, we joke a lot and are able to have wonderful intellectualized conversations about whatever it is that I want to talk about, but I have a lot of trouble *showing* emotion when I'm with him. So, for instance, I've never cried in front of him in real life, but in my head, I'm able to do so with ease.
2. He's with me all the time, it seems. Really. It's a little excessive, probably, but I sort of narrate the day's events to him as I go about my life--on the walk to the trolley stop, on the commute to school, in my lectures, at the gym, I'm constantly 'talking' to him, telling him what I'm doing, what I'm thinking about, how I'm feeling.
3. No, not really. We argue enough in real life! Lately, anyway.
4. In my case, at least, there are probably at least a couple of things going on. First, I like to talk to him in my head as a defense against loneliness, since I spend a lot of time by myself. Second, I find that staying engaged with him between sessions, even if it's only in an imaginary sense, helps me to maintain some measure of continuity in our work together. Third, I'm really, really attracted to him. It's a bit like having a crush; I just can't *help* but to think of him all the time. And finally, as I mentioned earlier, I'm pretty emotionally inhibited with him, and talking to him in my head allows me to 'practice' saying the things that I will hopefully one day be able to tell him in person.
And, yes, I definitely have sexual fantasies about him!
poster:Suedehead
thread:866385
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081120/msgs/866414.html