Posted by llurpsienoodle on November 6, 2008, at 18:06:10
In reply to My husband doesn't get it, posted by Partlycloudy on November 6, 2008, at 13:02:44
Aww, PartlyCloudy,
I wish I could just make you a cup of peppermint tea and we could watch snowflakes from inside a pretty cabin.But under a rock will do, in a pinch. Not quite as cozy or scenic, though.
(okay. that's my lamea$$ attempt at a joke)
Well, I suck at being a cheerleader. Really.
I just wanted to say something comforting. But words are a failure to express some ideas.
Sometimes we are faced with a choice -- are we ready to disclose something in therapy this week?-- and other times things feel forced upon us. To me, it sounds like your PTSD experiences feel intrusive, largely out of your control, and terrifying. I have had those feelings before. It's very scary to confront one's own mind, to challenge the flashbacks and assert your survival. You may not feel ready, or strong, but you WILL be able to work through things.
My first T told me that progress and process is non-linear. It was probably the most useful thing he ever left me with. You feel discouraged, but it doesn't mean that you're not doing anything helpful, and it doesn't mean that you're doing the wrong things, or that you're unable to make it through these challenges. There are sometimes when things move ahead very quickly and other times when nothing is working, or so it seems.
I felt sad when I read how hard things are right now for you. It's unfair that you have been doing all the right things to heal your broken wing, but that you still have to wait for it to heal. It's really difficult to WAIT for freaking meds to kick in. To wait for your unfolding narrative. To wait for your pain to be eased. I mean, what are you supposed to be doing in the meanwhile? I just wish I knew how to help you right now, while you're in transit to the rock.
Maybe hibernation is not such a bad idea?
Honestly, I don't know how the hell I survived and coped with active PTSD symptoms. I thought I was losing my MIND, and I started to wonder what the hell would happen to me if I couldn't make sense of things anymore. It's unfair that I had to retool my attitudes and reactions, just because stuff happened to me. Sometimes I'm pissed off, and other times, I'm just sad, or in denial that it affects me. What the hell does "working through it" mean, anyways??? That's what I always wondered. It's not like there's a finish line, or a blood test to tell you when you're all done. I alternate between outrage and depression.
Well, I got no good solutions, otherwise I would have figured things out already. *I* sure would feel better if I could help you in some way. But that's beside the point.
Lacking solutions, I can only offer my optimism and support, and my admiration. My regards your significant steps forward, and my confidence that things progress even when they appear to stagnate.
I appear to be talking out of my a*s. yep. I struggle to express my sincere wish that you feel better, and that you not be so hard on yourself.
When you're trying to select an appropriate rock, sniff them. I left you some peppermint tea. Yeah, and a big fat snoring cat-- I'm loaning her to you for the time being. She's my "Gentle Giant".
-Ll
poster:llurpsienoodle
thread:861120
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081104/msgs/861181.html