Posted by Partlycloudy on November 6, 2008, at 16:56:16
In reply to Re: My husband doesn't get it, posted by DAisym on November 6, 2008, at 16:05:31
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> But I have a tough question for you - and I'm asking out of friendship and concern - Why are you still working with the book right now if it is making you so much worse? Because I'm here to tell you that no matter what you do, you can't hurry the process. You must guard your life and resources from being completely destroyed by this stage. For many of us, that means titrating the memory and the work. And it occurs to me to worry that you might also be punishing yourself (sub-consciously) because you are not over all this - and perhaps for those things that we all say to ourselves, "how could I have let that happen? How could I not have told after?" etc. etc. And this whole thing has another layer for you since he didn't just hurt you.
>
> I'm worried about you. Please take it slow and careful.
> Hugs,
> DaisyI haven't touched the book for several days now. Thanks for your concern - but I took everyone's cautions quite seriously; listened to what my screaming muscles and aching head are telling me and am backing off for now until I get these symptoms under control. My therapist is looking into local CSA groups that I might be able to participate in.
I have a very vivid sense, though, that this is something, that once having started, I'm going to be working through - at whatever pace I'm able to - until I reach a peace of some kind.I'm not forcing myself to do any work that my body is telling me (is it ever telling me!) that I'm not ready to do. I made the analogy of feeling like a bird with a broken wing, that needs to be held tenderly and firmly, so that it doesn't batter itself against its cage and injure itself further. That's pretty much where I am right now.
I'm waiting for the medication changes to work their magic, if there is such a thing. I'm utterly miserable at not being able to be understood by my partner in my life. I guess it's something (yet something else, thank you god) to be withstood. And I don't feel the least bit resilient enough for this part of the challenge. Some refuge would be appreciated.
And now - I think I really WILL go crawl under my rock.
poster:Partlycloudy
thread:861120
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081104/msgs/861159.html