Posted by Daisym on August 19, 2006, at 0:55:35
In reply to Confused and update on hypnotist, posted by antigua on August 18, 2006, at 9:34:47
>>>>>But I get stuck doing that with my father. The list of positive things is far outweighed by the negative, life-changing things, but the ambivalence balances out--I see them as equal.
>>>>>>What should I do? How do I deal with this ambivalence? Any ideas?
Antigua,
I think feeling ambivalence is part of the human-condition. It is healthy and adaptive to see more than one side of things and to be able to react differently in different situations. But I think ambivalence towards our parents comes from a primal, almost survival place. Think about it -- if our parents didn't care for us when we were young, we would die. And kids need to believe that their parents love them and are good people. Even if their reality is different, they need their parents to be good. I think this is why we get embarrassed for and about our parents, even in grade school.
I can't tell you how many times I've cried, "But I love my dad" and I hate him too. I'm slowly learning (very, very slowly) that I can hold more than one feeling or emotion at the same time. So I don't have to choose between loving the good parts of him OR hating the bad parts...I can do both. I still don't know how to feel about the whole package, but I'm choosing not to have to do that right now. I spend a lot of time fighting against the feeling that says I "should" hate him completely, but I don't. And I fight the feeling that says, I "should" love him because he is my dad. I'm not sure he gets it unequivocally like that. So when your pdoc says your problem is that you feel ambivalent about your dad, I guess I'd like to argue that a more accurate word would be conflicted -- at least that is how I see it.
I'm glad you like the Hypnotherapist. I hope it helps.
Hugs, Daisy
poster:Daisym
thread:677710
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060808/msgs/678012.html