Posted by antigua on August 21, 2006, at 11:46:33
In reply to Re: Confused and update on hypnotist, posted by antigua on August 21, 2006, at 9:22:00
When I re-read what I write here sometimes I sound so in control, knowing exactly what it is that I have to say and being pretty sure of myself.
Well, I'm not that way at all. It's just years of practice as a writer.
The honest truth is that I don't really know what the heck I'm doing and I'm scared to death. I appreciate everyone's comments and I'm very aware that any memory that comes up might be false, and then I'm going to have to deal with that. My next appt is tomorrow afternoon and I expect it to be difficult.
I have so much going on right now and I'm scared:
1. My T has been off for a couple of weeks now,but she has been available by phone. After Wed. she won't be quite as available for a few weeks.
2. I'm afraid that I'm becoming attached to my pdoc (he is awfully cute! but young, sigh.) I don't do well with male authority figures and I'm afraid of a repeat of what always happens--abandonment and rejection. He's also very different from my T--much stricter and harder than me. (Anyone recognize the two parents I've adopted?)He really made a wall crumble last week,though, which made the memories not as important, but Iknow that's only for now.
3. My son is leaving for college on Saturday. I think I'm ready for it, but I know it's sure to trigger abandoment issues for me (of which I have many).
4. I've quit eating. It's the only place I have control. I could stand to lose some weight, so this isn't a problem now, but I know what it can lead to. I am eating one tiny meal a day and taking my vitamins. Getting thin brings me closer to the sexual feelings I have about my father so it's a double-edge sword.
Well, that's my honesty. I probably shouldn't be doing what I'm doing right now, but I feel compelled.
Thanks for reading,
antigua
poster:antigua
thread:677710
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060808/msgs/678699.html