Posted by madeline on July 24, 2006, at 10:11:44
In reply to Re: as above, breaking my heart » madeline, posted by crushedout on July 23, 2006, at 12:18:52
We never once analyzed my feelings for him. There was nothing there to analyze, I always felt as though I was a human responding to simple kindness and patience and trust. In fact, I said over and over again that just about ANYONE is that situation would have reacted the way I did, and boy did he agree with that! He really helped me to realize that there was nothing pathological about it. It was just a normal human response and like any response it could be contained and wasn’t going to hurt anyone.
The majority of the work (as in working through it) was squarely on my shoulders and all he did was help me to trust him enough to go through it with him in the room.
The fact is I wasn’t getting what I wanted and THAT is where the hurt was coming from, not from loving him, but my response to it.
Over and over again I ran face first into the therapeutic boundary and over and over again I lashed out. I wanted to quit therapy, but something kept me going back and I’m glad. Quitting would have been the worst thing I ever did.
It’s funny actually, looking back on it, I was real big brat.
There was one seminal conversation however. I was lamenting (once again) that we were never going to have a relationship outside of therapy and he simply commented that what we had in therapy was pretty good. I kind of stopped bitching and looked at him and just felt this incredible relief. He was right.
He would always be there, he would never judge me and no matter what kind of havoc I was raising in real life, he would be right there sitting in his chair, happy to see me.
It gave (and still does) me a lot of strength. It’s not the “What do you want for breakfast, honey” kind of love, but it is real.
Just my two cents.
Maddie
poster:madeline
thread:668993
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060721/msgs/669978.html