Posted by crushedout on July 22, 2006, at 9:39:26
In reply to My experience with loving my therapist. » crushedout, posted by madeline on July 22, 2006, at 8:38:59
Madeline,Thank you for sharing this with me. I looked for your thread in the archives but hadn't found it yet.
It's weird because your story should give me hope but my reaction is: I DON'T WANT ANYBODY ELSE. That is part of being in love for me, I guess--I just love that one person and no one else seems good enough? Or do I not want real love?
I can't explain it. Right now, I think I would accept my former T as a lover, or my current T, but no one else interests me, except as a distraction. And I can't imagine (nor do I want!) to want another lover.
It's really, really confusing.
Also, I feel really p*ssed off about being gay because it is soooo much harder to find a woman than it is to find a man. For me, anyway. If I were straight, I'm sure I would be married by now. But maybe that's a red herring. As my T points out, I'm only looking for *one* person anyway.
It really feels hopeless.
On the other hand, I do love this love I feel. And I do feel love from my T also. It's a pure kind of love. It's not sexual. It's just kindness and wanting me to be safe and happy. And it does give me an incredibly good feeling inside that I take with me. I am really grateful for that. But tortured at the same time.
Anyway, thank you.
crushed (as always) (with tears on my face)
P.S. You write eloquently.
poster:crushedout
thread:668954
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060721/msgs/669308.html