Posted by shrinking violet on October 15, 2004, at 21:01:05
In reply to Re: your T » shrinking violet, posted by Pfinstegg on October 15, 2004, at 18:56:42
>> When you said that she "talked all the time, even though she didn't mean to', it sent up a red flag in my mind. What the Ts are supposed to do is to receive and *hold* our most painful feelings at least long enough to enable us to become more comfortable ourselves in feeling them. Some of what we communicate are just feelings- there aren't too many words associated with them. If the Ts start talking too much, we feel instinctively that they are no longer *with* us; we feel, accurately, that our feelings have aroused uncomfortable feelings in them, and that they are trying to make THEMSELVES more comfortable by doing a lot of talking.
I never really thought of it that way. I do think she talks because she is very uncomfortable with silences...I'm not sure why. She's gotten a bit better, but only marginally; now she'll wait maybe a minute or two before she says something, whereas before she would talk right away. Still, I actually think if she sat there and didn't talk, it would give me time to arrange what to say and I might actually start to fill some of these gaps (just a theory, of course!).
> You came to therapy to try to deal better with these painful feelings- to have them stop hurting you so much. It sounds as though, person to person, she actually likes you a lot, but that she really is having trouble handling your feelings once you project them into her (it just happens in therapy- we all do it- are supposed to do it). So you are left feeling let down, and just as alone with your most painful feelings.Yes, I do leave feeling "let-down," somewhat misunderstood, and very alone. At first, I thought the painful stuff I was starting to feel was because of the therapy (even though we don't seem to be able to "do" much actual therapy), but now maybe I was actually reacting to feeling let-down and misunderstood by her. I hate that this is happening though, because her personality is SO great for me, but, I know I can't keep causing both of us pain like this.
>> Do you have the option to look for another therapist? There's nothing terrible about you or your feelings- they just ARE there, and for good reasons. You're entitled to a therapist who can really help with them.
Maybe technically; she's a Uni T so I see her for free and wouldn't be able to afford an outside T right now. I could maybe see another T at school, but that might be too weird for both of us. Right now, though, I've had enough of therapy to last me a few lifetimes. It left more than a sour taste in my mouth, and I don't want to start over with someone else (especially since a similar situation would probably arise). I wish I didn't like her so much, and the way she is as a person and as a T, because it might make it easier. But, I do miss her as a person, and as a T she has many of the qualities I'd want in one and are hard to find (openly caring, self-discloses, warm, etc).
Thanks for your response. :)
poster:shrinking violet
thread:403120
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041002/msgs/403675.html