Posted by alexandra_k on November 19, 2018, at 4:18:17
This isn't really political...
I sent my Mother an email where I basically said a bunch of things I've been thinking. Wondered whether she only had me for my Father and so on. Basically said most of my childhood was horrible because of how she used to hit me and scream at me and so on.
I tried phoning, since, and she hasn't picked up. That is odd, for her.
I imagine her being on the phone to everyone she knows telling them what a bad and evil daughter I am. How it's no wonder she suffers such horrid anxiety with such an ungrateful bitch of a child...
Just like she used to do when I was a kid.
But just like when I was a kid I haven't actually done anything wrong.
But she will be wigging out about it, no doubt.
Genuinely distressed.
And of course now I start to feel guilty because she's been giving me money towards my motorcycle (paying the registration and insurance).
And of course... That's precisely why she gives me money, now. So that I will still have something to do with her and so that I won't bring up or confront her with any of the stuff I just did.
Only...
What kind of relationship is that?
Anyway...
I do feel bad. I'm not a mean person and I don't like to see another being suffer. On the other hand I think of how she just loved to induce suffering in me (when she thought she could get away with it) and that makes it a bit harder...
And there's the money...
Everyone seems determined to train me into a sociopath.
Anyway. Faith. Trust. Give the dust some time to settle...
I'll just leave things alone for a while. She has an email address for me. Ball's in her court.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1102115
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/poli/20181106/msgs/1102115.html