Posted by alexandra_k on December 19, 2018, at 2:12:07
In reply to Re: thanks everyone, posted by alexandra_k on December 5, 2018, at 19:13:58
so initially she was all jumping over 'elder abuse' with glee.
she made me an abuser - just like her!! win!!
then after my genuine apology...
after some more time...
she asked me... from a very rational place. from a calm and clear place... whether i meant it.
and i was all, like, 'well, it's one side of the story, but i'm sure you have another' and she didn't jump on that, at all. she didn't jump to defend herself or to try and guilt me into saying the opposite or whatever. she just accepted it. actually. yeah. i did.
i feel...
calm about it, i guess. it's been festering away ever since i was a kid, i guess. i finally told her a bunch of stuff. i didn't do it out of retaliation or whatever. i mean, i knew it would hurt her, but it was stuff that... well... perhaps it was stuff that needed to be said.
she did say 'we didn't have much when you were growing up'. and i replied 'no, you put it into your savings plan'. which she did. and instead of giving me, say, 50c per week (which was what the school suggested when we were little) she put nothing in mine, and a little over $20 in hers. she saved for herself but not for me. and she gives me stuff now that she never gave to me when i was growing up.
when i lived in her household and there was nothing i could do about the fact that she wouldn't pay for me to sit my lisence and get a car... when there was nothing i could do about her not letting me get a job in the supermarket or a paper route.
and she gives me money to do those things now... however many years later. because it means i contact her every now and then. because she thinks i wouldn't contact her otherwise. because she would rather throw money at it than work / try to have a relationship where she brings something to the table other than money. just... being supportive or nice or something like that, even.
but she didn't seem hurt. or she didn't seem anxious to have me alleviate her hurt. she just sort of accepted it.
and said something matter of fact about how she won't be along much longer. not in an inducing guilt kind of way, either.
only i'm sure she'll be kicking around in an expenseive old folkd home well after i've retired.
not that anybody's ever going to let me get started.
i just continually pour money into the system that will only ever expediate their very own kids.
that seems to be the thing, really.
i think teh thing now is that british theorist who (oh, say 10 years ago) thought that female autism presents as verbal... that's where the medical testing is at this year.
oh. please. let me subsidise that for you and your research.
choke.
how can i have any respect for them at all when they dismiss me so?
how can i have any respect at all for a system that so obviously draws a ring around the 'me and mine' vs everyone else and develops the algorithm to justify that retrospectively? how many applicants get 'aborted' where their applications get culled for... no reason at all. the applicants just get told they aren't good enough.
it's all so arbitrary seeming...
that will be why it is that you just can't get any help, aroune here. all the incompetent people expediated through for the good of... uh... for the good of...
heave.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1102115
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/poli/20181106/msgs/1102507.html