Posted by noa on July 4, 2003, at 11:06:13
In reply to Re: Still alive, posted by Racer on July 4, 2003, at 4:15:55
Racer--
Where do I begin?
You are in crisis mode. How things look right now are not necessarily how they will look at another time.
You've had some terrible things happen. Just about all the major stressors a person can have all at once.
It seems right now that there is no treatment option. BUT, you have responded well to treatment in the past. It is just that with all the extreme stress and crisis, a relapse can happen. IT doesn't mean you won't respond to treatment again. It just means that you need crisis help first to get things more stable.
Maybe you should be in the hospital until you are out of danger. Why did they send you home after evalutating you?
It isn't true that no one will want you--you had the attention of that other man. Your husband's lack of desire sounds based on his own problems. Unemployment and money problems can be so devastating for relationships.
You are in grief. And unfortunately, the circumstances are such that you cannot grieve openly or with other people. You are getting vitriol from the others who grieve the loss of this man. That is their own issue--probably displaced from the anger at the deceased that they won't admit. Grieving alone is so hard. So hard.
Please don't hurt yourself. I know you have been in a better place and I am sure you can get back to a better place. Please suspend judgment about your life right now. You are not in a place where you are capable of judging correctly.
Get help. Please. there are treatment possibilities. There are ways for you and your husband to get help. Or, if you cannot stay in the marriage, you can have a life worth living. There are all kinds of possibilities for making changes to make things better. You just can't see them now because of how deeply depressed you are.
I don't understand how the hospital let you go with such active suicidal thinking. Did you not disclose to them how bad things are for you right now? Do you want one of us to call them and tell them how bad things are for you? I think you need to be in the hospital, I really do.
Racer, you are someone I've admired for a long time. I want you to stay alive.
Depression is a horrible thing. Some of the events you've been through are also horrible and devastating. But you are worth saving--to pull through all of this crap. I know that you probably don't see yourself right now as others see you--we know you and know that this depressed state is not the whole you.
I hope this doesn't come across as Pollyann-ish. It isn't intended to be. It is just that, although I haven't been through the horrendous experiences you've been through of late, I do know from my own experience how depression can make everything seem utterly hopeless. You cannot see your hope right now. Can we hold hope for you until you are ready to hold it for yourself?
The other side does exist. I never would have beleived that I could come through the depression to this side. But it exists. You've come through it before, too. And I know that you also know how hard the depression can be. But please hold on. Please.
poster:noa
thread:239030
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20030702/msgs/239218.html