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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 34. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Krissy P on March 25, 2003, at 23:20:26
Hi again,
I also just thought of something else I wanted to talk about. I saw a guy I went to high school with in 1988, last week. We had a great time, I stopped by his work, he bought me dinner, we had a few drinks and I sang Karaoke-1 song, for me that took a lot of damn guts LOL
I didn't contact him for about 4 days after and thanked him for the dinner and told him it was really nice to see him again after all these years.
Well, I haevn't heard from him. He went from emailing me, and calling me almost every week before we hooked up and now that we did, and after I sent a very nice and sincere email to him-NO REPLY :-(
I wonder what's going on. I kinda decided that I am not going to email him until I hear from him. I guess I could say that the ball is in his court?
What do y'all think? I would be open to anyone's thouhgt-even a guy's POV
Because of my illness, my social life was put on an extreme hold for about 4 years, I am now getting back to where I was, going out more, getting in touch with old friends, all in the meantime, remembering not to forget about me and my needs, and my responsibilities to college. I'm almost finally done with my BA, and I watch very carefully that I don't get sidetracked, and I'm hoping I don't with this situation with this guy. He's a cutie, and smart and we have known each other actually since the 5th grade. Can you believe it? I am hoping we can at least stay friends, am I thinking on the wrong track? He is single.
Anyway, would love to hear what anyone thinks?
Yhanks Kristen:-)
Posted by lostsailor on March 26, 2003, at 2:24:52
In reply to A guy who hasn't called LOL............, posted by Krissy P on March 25, 2003, at 23:20:26
I agree the ball is now in his court. Maybe he is a bit nervous about rejection. I would hope you could at least remain friends if you/he do try a little bit more>
Just an opinion...~tony
Posted by Krissy P on March 26, 2003, at 2:27:26
In reply to Re: A guy who hasn't called LOL............, posted by lostsailor on March 26, 2003, at 2:24:52
He's a really great guy. I wish he knew what I was thinking, and vice versa but life don't work that way LOL
thanks for your reply.
Night, Kristen
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> I agree the ball is now in his court. Maybe he is a bit nervous about rejection. I would hope you could at least remain friends if you/he do try a little bit more>
>
> Just an opinion...~tony
Posted by dogboy on March 26, 2003, at 5:35:10
In reply to A guy who hasn't called LOL............, posted by Krissy P on March 25, 2003, at 23:20:26
To be honest, although it's not an open-and-shut case, it doesn't sound promising from the romantic point of view.
Best case scenario: he is interested, but has had an attack of shyness, so he needs encouragement.
Worst case scenario: whatever he was looking for, after the date he figured he wasn't going to get it from you (that's not a euphemism! I mean it in a very general way).
If you really want to risk it, you could send him a casual email asking if he wants to have lunch or some such - you have a ready-made pretext that he bought you supper and you'd like to reciprocate.
Bottom line, in my opinion: you can't know what's happened, although the most likely explanation is one which is mildly unflattering.
Sorry, I know that's a less than inspiring answer! We dogs are an honest bunch of animals.
Posted by NikkiT2 on March 26, 2003, at 7:29:11
In reply to Um. » Krissy P, posted by dogboy on March 26, 2003, at 5:35:10
There is the outside chance that he didn't get your message.. this happened to me once in the past.. drop him a csual email, saying you had fun, and how about a lunch some time...
Nothing to lose.. :o)
Nikki x
Posted by Kar on March 26, 2003, at 10:25:35
In reply to A guy who hasn't called LOL............, posted by Krissy P on March 25, 2003, at 23:20:26
hey Kristen. I'm Karen; welcome to the board!
So I need a little more info. You saw this guy last week but you were e-mailing and talking for how long prior to that? It's so frustrating that this always becomes such a guessing game, isn't it? It doesn't really sound like you're threatening him...in other words making him feel "smothered". You know how they can be. 4 days is a good amount of time to wait.
How did your date end? Did he say, "See you soon" or what? Also, from today, how long has it been since you e-mailed? Nikki was right (i think it was she who said this)that it is a slight possiblity that he didn't get the message. Althooooough...he really should've e-mailed you regardless.I met my husband online. I remember after our first date on a Sunday, I saw him again on Monday night. I thought things were just ducky (it turnes out they were). He e-mailed Tues. Stop. Nothing Wed-Saturday and I got all huffy. You know, the old "Well I didn't really like him anyway" rationale. I talked to my women friends and my guy friends. The guy friends said that they didn't really think it was unusual that he hadn't e-mailed or called and it didn't mean that he wasn't interested. Just clueless. So I waited. Saturday the stinker called to see if I wanted to go out that night, for Cripes sake! We still joke about it. He didn't even think that it was anything...he was just wrapped up with work. He had thought about me but just didn't get around to calling. Man. So unpredictable. I think a lot of women (I anyway) have a tendency to analyze things more and act a little more sensitively. Then when men don't act in kind, we assume that something's amiss. It might not be. But how annoying.
I don't know what to tell you. When i waited he ended up getting around to calling. I felt as if I'd coming across as too needy if i wrote again. My only caution re: e-mailing him again is that if he is shy or leery (or who knows what), he might get spooked. It sounds like he had as good a time as you did.
hang in and congrats on your soon to be earned degree!
Karen
Posted by Krissy P on March 26, 2003, at 10:44:48
In reply to Um. » Krissy P, posted by dogboy on March 26, 2003, at 5:35:10
LMAO-I hear you.
I figure if he was interested, he would have emailed me or called by now, he isn't shy-far from it lol
Anyway, before I went to see him, I told myself that it doesn't mean anything, if at all, we jare ust going to see each other after so long. I really think my weight has something to do with it, because the last time I saw him I was running track, thin, and active, I haven't been that way in a long time and he could probably see it physically as well as emotionally. It wasn't really a date, he just invited me down to see him, have dinner, and wanted to congratulate me on making the Dean's List, sing Karaoke, all while he was working-so I would hardly call it a date. We talked about a lot and maybe I turned him off-I don't know, but like I said, the ball's in his court, I have never been the type of woman who is desparate-I look at it as if it's meant to be then it's meant to be.
I think at this time anyhow, that I need to concentrate on school and someday, somewhere, maybe the right guy will come a long for me-and maybe not. All guys aren't dogs, lol, but maybe the answers I'm looking for from him are mildly unflattering LOL and in that case, I don't need to pursue any kind of romantic rerlationship with him.
Right???
So what do you think after all this?
thanks, Kristen
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> To be honest, although it's not an open-and-shut case, it doesn't sound promising from the romantic point of view.
>
> Best case scenario: he is interested, but has had an attack of shyness, so he needs encouragement.
>
> Worst case scenario: whatever he was looking for, after the date he figured he wasn't going to get it from you (that's not a euphemism! I mean it in a very general way).
>
> If you really want to risk it, you could send him a casual email asking if he wants to have lunch or some such - you have a ready-made pretext that he bought you supper and you'd like to reciprocate.
>
> Bottom line, in my opinion: you can't know what's happened, although the most likely explanation is one which is mildly unflattering.
>
> Sorry, I know that's a less than inspiring answer! We dogs are an honest bunch of animals.
Posted by Krissy P on March 26, 2003, at 10:51:31
In reply to Re: Um., posted by NikkiT2 on March 26, 2003, at 7:29:11
Hi Nikki,
I dropped him a casual email telling him I had a lot of fun, etc. and thanked him, but didn't ask if he wanted to get together for lunch. lol
It's just so weird, he hounded me (In a very nice way) to see him, but now that we've seen each other, I haven't heard from him. Although he did say, you're gonna come back right? I think at this point we will (hopefully) just be friends, I don't know what I was looking for, well I do, he is so smart, really nice, and cute as heck. But who knows *sigh* I think if I do email him and ask if he wanted to get together for lunch and didn't respond, I would get the hint, I already took a big risk, (it was huge for me, because I have been out of the social loop for a long time) but maybe I'll have to take another-scary at times for me.
Thanks for your reply, hope you're doing well:-)
Kristen
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There is the outside chance that he didn't get your message.. this happened to me once in the past.. drop him a csual email, saying you had fun, and how about a lunch some time...
Nothing to lose.. :o)
Nikki x
Posted by NikkiT2 on March 26, 2003, at 11:22:36
In reply to Ah the mystery » Krissy P, posted by Kar on March 26, 2003, at 10:25:35
I met my hubby online too.. *grins* At a UK based chat site.. I can remember being so freaked out that I was developing feelings for someone on line (I'd been using the internet for a couple of years, but this was my first foray into an actual chat room! We'd been chatting each day weeks, and then suddenly he dissapeared for 2 weeks.. It was then that I realised the feelings.. It was awful.. then suddenly, 2 weeks later he pops up again asking for my email address!!! He'd been tied up at work, and had lost internet access for those 2 weeks so hadn't got any of messages!! It wasn't till 3 months later than we actually met in the flesh.. and he didn't go home after that date *w*
Ah.. nice to have good memories today.
Nikki
Posted by Krissy P on March 26, 2003, at 11:26:21
In reply to Internet men :) » Kar, posted by NikkiT2 on March 26, 2003, at 11:22:36
Nikki, that's awesome! :-)
I think Todd is tied up at work, he is very busy there, and I respect that.
have a great day and keep those good memories sweetie:-)
All the best, Kristen
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I met my hubby online too.. *grins* At a UK based chat site.. I can remember being so freaked out that I was developing feelings for someone on line (I'd been using the internet for a couple of years, but this was my first foray into an actual chat room! We'd been chatting each day weeks, and then suddenly he dissapeared for 2 weeks.. It was then that I realised the feelings.. It was awful.. then suddenly, 2 weeks later he pops up again asking for my email address!!! He'd been tied up at work, and had lost internet access for those 2 weeks so hadn't got any of messages!! It wasn't till 3 months later than we actually met in the flesh.. and he didn't go home after that date *w*
Ah.. nice to have good memories today.
Nikki
Posted by Krissy P on March 26, 2003, at 11:42:17
In reply to Ah the mystery » Krissy P, posted by Kar on March 26, 2003, at 10:25:35
Hi Karen:-)
thanks for the reply.
You are so funny when you say "for cripes sake"...I hear ya here. You have such a great attitude on this and it's helping me a lot. thank you for that.
yes, I saw this guy last week, Todd. We had gotten in touch back in May of 2002, when I had moved to Oregon. I moved back to California and we decided to meet up:-)
Oh no in any way am I smothering him-I know that-I'm actually a little shy when it comes to guys. Don't wanna analyze that lol lol I just know where to set my boundaries lol
Tomorrow it will be a week since I've heard from him.
Our 'date' started with a hug, reminiscing about our 10 year reunion, and ended with 2 hugs, to add to a few touchy feely taps throughout the evening.
Basically he said take care, and come back. Yes, I know he had a good time, in fact, a girl had said to him, when I left,"Todd-I like her" so maybe that helped heheheh-just a little nudge? who knows.
Anyway, That's all I can remember, you can see that I really am interested in this guy lol:-) I am.
Maybe I'll email him again and just put hope you got this, write, I know you're probably busy, etc. so we'll see......and maybe something like I haven't heard from you in about a week...(which isn't that long)I, too, would think that he would at least email me, but maybe he didn't get my email-I don't think that is the case-he did-he got the other ones, BUT, he did say something like, "I must have been only replying, because I had a different email addy for you" (my old one), but he has my cell and my home # too *sigh* lol
anyway, yes, Nikki does have some great input:0)
(hugs to you Nikki)thanks for this what do you think now? lol
kristen:-)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------hey Kristen. I'm Karen; welcome to the board!
So I need a little more info. You saw this guy last week but you were e-mailing and talking for how long prior to that? It's so frustrating that this always becomes such a guessing game, isn't it? It doesn't really sound like you're threatening him...in other words making him feel "smothered". You know how they can be. 4 days is a good amount of time to wait.
How did your date end? Did he say, "See you soon" or what? Also, from today, how long has it been since you e-mailed? Nikki was right (i think it was she who said this)that it is a slight possiblity that he didn't get the message. Althooooough...he really should've e-mailed you regardless.
I met my husband online. I remember after our first date on a Sunday, I saw him again on Monday night. I thought things were just ducky (it turnes out they were). He e-mailed Tues. Stop. Nothing Wed-Saturday and I got all huffy. You know, the old "Well I didn't really like him anyway" rationale. I talked to my women friends and my guy friends. The guy friends said that they didn't really think it was unusual that he hadn't e-mailed or called and it didn't mean that he wasn't interested. Just clueless. So I waited. Saturday the stinker called to see if I wanted to go out that night, for Cripes sake! We still joke about it. He didn't even think that it was anything...he was just wrapped up with work. He had thought about me but just didn't get around to calling. Man. So unpredictable. I think a lot of women (I anyway) have a tendency to analyze things more and act a little more sensitively. Then when men don't act in kind, we assume that something's amiss. It might not be. But how annoying.
I don't know what to tell you. When i waited he ended up getting around to calling. I felt as if I'd coming across as too needy if i wrote again. My only caution re: e-mailing him again is that if he is shy or leery (or who knows what), he might get spooked. It sounds like he had as good a time as you did.
hang in and congrats on your soon to be earned degree!
Karen
Posted by Tabitha on March 26, 2003, at 14:43:54
In reply to Re: Ah the mystery » Kar, posted by Krissy P on March 26, 2003, at 11:42:17
Hi, just weighing in with my opinion, if he has your phone #s then the ball is in his court. Even if your email did get lost it's still better to wait on him to contact you now. You know you're interested, and you're not sure about him at this point, so that's time to back off and see what HE does. Otherwise, you can't tell if he's interested equally, or just responding politely to your efforts. Save yourself some heartache, it's no fun pursuing a guy who may or may not be interested. Best wishes.
Posted by Krissy P on March 26, 2003, at 15:00:41
In reply to Re: Ah the mystery » Krissy P, posted by Tabitha on March 26, 2003, at 14:43:54
Hi there,
I emailed him one more time and it is the last until I hear from HIM-I will not be desparate here. I don't go there lol
I just said:
Hi Todd, hope you got my email and my new cell #. Hope you are doing good.
Kristen
That's it,
What do you think? lolThat's it-the ball is is in his court and the score is 2-1 lol
thanks Tabitha:-)
Kristen--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Hi, just weighing in with my opinion, if he has your phone #s then the ball is in his court. Even if your email did get lost it's still better to wait on him to contact you now. You know you're interested, and you're not sure about him at this point, so that's time to back off and see what HE does. Otherwise, you can't tell if he's interested equally, or just responding politely to your efforts. Save yourself some heartache, it's no fun pursuing a guy who may or may not be interested. Best wishes.
Posted by dogboy on March 27, 2003, at 3:56:54
In reply to Thanks Tabitha :-) I hear ya very well:-) » Tabitha, posted by Krissy P on March 26, 2003, at 15:00:41
I'd say that's as far as you can really take it.
If he doesn't reply, it doesn't necessarily mean he wants to avoid you, but it does strongly suggest he's not thinking along romantic lines.
Posted by lostsailor on March 27, 2003, at 11:19:35
In reply to That's a wrap!, posted by dogboy on March 27, 2003, at 3:56:54
Posted by lil' jimi on March 27, 2003, at 12:18:59
In reply to A guy who hasn't called LOL............, posted by Krissy P on March 25, 2003, at 23:20:26
hi kristen,
here's my big fat over-generalization about the boy-girl / men-women / dogs-cats romantic thing:
girls get to grow up in presumption of emotional acceptance and in acceptance of their having emotions, being emotional and practicing emoting...and these are all really healthy things.
ok, Not all girls get to grow up that way... but Generally, they get to do so significantly more than boys do.
comparatively, boys get much less (if any at all) affective support, practice or training ... stereotypically boys get less acceptance, indulgence or even tolerance of their emoting and their feelings, in general.
one group gets tolerance, indulgence and encouragement when they cry or express exuberance, whereas the other group is discouraged from crying or showing their feelings or even feeling their feelings.
this disparity has the effect of encouraging girls (women!) to develop robust affective strengths and abilities, While boys' (really 'boys'!) deprivation tends to make them Comparatively, underdeveloped emotional weaklings. ... guys tend to hide their feelings from others out of defensive self-preservation and they tend to hide From their feelings because emotions are such intense things for them because they Are emotionally puny ... and these classical guy strategies conspire to keep them from developing emotionally.
all of which is an overlong description of how women are more mature than men ...
so, when this stereotypical girl goes out with our stereotypical guy, the guy may have finally screwed up his courage to take this big risk onto the battlefield of emotions we’d call ‘romance’, but once the interaction is engaged (and likely no-real-big-thing for the girl/woman) it starts to seem really spooky for the guy, because of this sense of being overmatched and in over his head and just generally threatened: :
“What if she expects *something*, ...like me to have a ... response ... idea ... a clue?” “AAAAAAAAA! RUN AWAY!!”
and then maybe later when he can calm down, he might think, “hey, that wasn’t so bad ... it isn’t like she could kill me ... she seemed nice ... maybe ... Maybe .... i could try that again!”
i guess what i’m suggesting is that for a lot of guys this is beyond just fear of intimacy, let alone fear of commitment, ... this is so before guys can even get there .... more like fear of even “out-imacy”.
i’d guess i was in my 30s before i got over these kind of feelings and felt like what i could call emotionally developed ... maybe.
my big brotherly advice about mister hasn’t-called-back-guy ? ... you have got it exactly right: wait him out, but no holding of any breath there... more advice? ... finding a mature intact male dating-like companion Might require planting the acorn and cultivating it till it does its oak tree thing (?) because they don’t come from the factory that way ... they just need some growing up .... okay, maybe a lot of growing up ... patience of a saint would help.
Good luck , sweetie!
hope i made you smile!
~ jim
Posted by Tabitha on March 27, 2003, at 13:32:56
In reply to Re: guy who hasn't called » Krissy P, posted by lil' jimi on March 27, 2003, at 12:18:59
interesting thoughts lil jimi. So... you're saying men (particularly the 20-ish ones) are just plain afraid of women, because they feel emotionally ... inferior isn't quite the right word... out-matched? I never thought of it that way.
Posted by lostsailor on March 27, 2003, at 13:39:22
In reply to Re: guy who hasn't called » lil' jimi, posted by Tabitha on March 27, 2003, at 13:32:56
and is probably bi-lateral with both sexes to some extent...what do you guys think??? ~me
Posted by lil' jimi on March 27, 2003, at 13:42:01
In reply to Re: guy who hasn't called » lil' jimi, posted by Tabitha on March 27, 2003, at 13:32:56
Posted by lil' jimi on March 27, 2003, at 13:55:10
In reply to IMHO, I think that may continue on into adulthood , posted by lostsailor on March 27, 2003, at 13:39:22
> and is probably bi-lateral with both sexes to some extent...what do you guys think??? ~me
Ah, yes, please let's have the gals take up the alternative(s) here:
given comparable ages and backgrounds,
guys are emotional wimps (with some reasons);
gals are emotional athletes/ olympians (just for some gross overstatement's sake) .Let the debate begin!
(but please, no one think i'm taking myself this seriously, okay?)
~ jim aka 'lil' jimi' ... "Axis: Bold as Love"
Posted by lostsailor on March 27, 2003, at 14:08:03
In reply to Re: IMHO, I think that may continue on into adulthood , posted by lil' jimi on March 27, 2003, at 13:55:10
Posted by lil' jimi on March 27, 2003, at 14:08:21
In reply to IMHO, I think that may continue on into adulthood , posted by lostsailor on March 27, 2003, at 13:39:22
> and is probably bi-lateral with both sexes to some extent...what do you guys think??? ~me
and to agree with Sailor, (although uni-laterally!):
Yes, there's the fatal form of this deficiency for guys we call the Peter Pan Syndrome, wherein we never grow up ... certainly we see many, many full-grown older male people, who are not adults and therefore not really "men".(now at least the guys should respond in their defense? maybe? maybe not.)
fuel for thought(s),
~ jim
Posted by lostsailor on March 27, 2003, at 14:12:05
In reply to Re: IMHO, I think that may continue on into adulthood » lostsailor, posted by lil' jimi on March 27, 2003, at 14:08:21
ic code for that. Thank God I was a social worker for a while. I would fall into the PPS I think, but do still consider my-self a 'grown man" in a way.
Posted by lil' jimi on March 27, 2003, at 14:15:12
In reply to Hey, a fellow hendrix fan!!!! (nm), posted by lostsailor on March 27, 2003, at 14:08:03
Posted by lil' jimi on March 27, 2003, at 14:28:38
In reply to I'll check my DSM for the for the correct diagnost, posted by lostsailor on March 27, 2003, at 14:12:05
> ic code for that. Thank God I was a social worker for a while. I would fall into the PPS I think, but do still consider my-self a 'grown man" in a way.
i consider myself in continuous recovery from PPS ... hey, it takes one to know one (referring to me) ... but i benefit from my support group at home ... my wife/angel and our 4 year-old superhero ... they deserve an adult man in their lives ... which is why i take my meds!
we may only really "grow up" when we accept that we must always being growing up...
maybe?" ... but are you ... experienced.. ? ...."
~ jim
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