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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by porkpiehat on April 5, 2014, at 16:19:47
I have this relationship-killing tendency to fixate and obsess over my rapport with the boyfriend to the point that I'm always reading his mind, sure that he is indifferent, and literally cannot sleep next to him without having these (above) racing thoughts and a general feeling of being unsafe.
I refuse to let another relationship die because of this frame of mind. A little seroquel or Latuda at night tends to help this and realize it's all in my head, however, it tends to sap my interest in the relationship itself and become desensitized. Can't decide which is worse!
SSRI's at higher doses make me even more callous and hypomanic and even mean. Therapy?? after 20 years it has barely scratched these ruminations.
Has anyone with this issue had success with any particular med? I'm at the point of changing my meds every few days and, what if the guy is just a jerk, lol??
Posted by Phillipa on April 5, 2014, at 17:50:53
In reply to Relationship meds for PTSD/Borderline?, posted by porkpiehat on April 5, 2014, at 16:19:47
How long have you known him and could be he is. And you sense this? Phillipa
Posted by tom2228 on April 5, 2014, at 20:51:33
In reply to Relationship meds for PTSD/Borderline?, posted by porkpiehat on April 5, 2014, at 16:19:47
> I have this relationship-killing tendency to fixate and obsess over my rapport with the boyfriend to the point that I'm always reading his mind, sure that he is indifferent, and literally cannot sleep next to him without having these (above) racing thoughts and a general feeling of being unsafe.
>
> I refuse to let another relationship die because of this frame of mind. A little seroquel or Latuda at night tends to help this and realize it's all in my head, however, it tends to sap my interest in the relationship itself and become desensitized. Can't decide which is worse!
>
> SSRI's at higher doses make me even more callous and hypomanic and even mean. Therapy?? after 20 years it has barely scratched these ruminations.
>
> Has anyone with this issue had success with any particular med? I'm at the point of changing my meds every few days and, what if the guy is just a jerk, lol??
>
>Ah, it's relieving to find my feelings replicated somewhere else --not to make light of your situation -- but I identify. It's hard to get an "empirical" sense for the state of the relationship when your own perceptions, thoughts, and emotions are at war with each other.
Latuda also helped me calm things down so I could enjoy the moment and make something new out of it rather than analyze things. Antipsychotics in general help me with this.
Lamictal has probably helped the most but the difficult, but not necessarily problematic aspects for me is that emotional rationality has taken over and the emotional intensity that drove my drive to relate to this person has transferred from the forefront of my cognition to the background. I have since realized many reasons why it is ideal for me to be at a distance from him for my own emotional health, and I believe the Lamictal is helping me understand this. Although I do question whether the Lamictal is dampening an emotional drive whose absence has left a depression in its wake that might be helped by seeing this person, who is pretty much my only friend.
I myself consider these issues, in my case, borderline issues -- issues relating to myself, my emotions, what constitutes me vs. my emotions, how to get past that and relate to someone without taking on their emotions and losing myself, etc. I take other meds that have also helped with this, including lithium, Marplan, Abilify, and Desoxyn.
All give me a better sense of who I am and what I stand for and the realization that that's not going to change by the minute or how hard I think about it. That realization helps to keep the relationship ruminations at bay because I trust my feelings more.
My relationship ruminations these days focus on whether I am being too uptight and healthy by staying away from him or whether it would help my depression to see this person whom I miss so much. This person is an addict who has been active and I am ~1 year clean, which may help understand the situation. It also gives valid reason to be ruminating, as the relationship involves a serious health issue, i.e., there's often more to it than just "thinking too much."
Hope this helped; your post definitely helped me understand the relationship between my meds and my emotional management in relationships.
Posted by phidippus on April 7, 2014, at 0:48:10
In reply to Relationship meds for PTSD/Borderline?, posted by porkpiehat on April 5, 2014, at 16:19:47
What sort of thoughts do you have about your rapport with your boyfriend?
How do you become sure he is indifferent?
If these are obsessive ruminations, the most logical way to deal with them is with ERP. What happens when you agree with the thoughts?
These thoughts are causing you anxiety, so the obvious medication recommendation is a benzodiazapine. To actually reduce the obsessing, an SSRI or SNRI would be the obvious choice, but if you can't tolerate them, try any of the following (they've all been shown to reduce obsessive thinking):
Pindolol
Lyrica/Gabapentin
Keppra
Buspar
Dextroamphetamine
Prazosin
Ondansetron
atypical antipsychoticsEric
Posted by porkpiehat on April 7, 2014, at 11:08:38
In reply to Re: Relationship meds for PTSD/Borderline? » porkpiehat, posted by phidippus on April 7, 2014, at 0:48:10
I'm not sure what ERP is.
As soon as there is a disagreement, slight invalidation, irritation, sexual disinterest on either part...
It becomes background noise in all further interractions and it turns me into an obsequious approval seeker rather than a self-realized 42-year old man, and then the relationship slides downhill from there. Serious doubt and criticism also cloud out other considerations. I cannot sleep next to him.
My last therapist was all "trust your feelings they are telling you that you aren't getting something from the relationship"
My new therapist is like "don't trust your instincts they are skewed from trauma." The latter prompts me to fiddle with my meds to stop the downward spiral and save the relationship.
right now I am on 20 mgs Celexa, 200 mgs Lamictal, and microdoses of Klonopin. Occasional ritalin but I am finding it increases my obsessional thinking and hypervigilance when I'm in his presence. Small doses of Latuda and/or seroquel help but also dull out a lot of other things.
Thanks
Posted by porkpiehat on April 7, 2014, at 11:16:56
In reply to Re: Relationship meds for PTSD/Borderline?, posted by tom2228 on April 5, 2014, at 20:51:33
I am sorry to hear about your pain regarding your relationship. It sounds at least like you maintain strong desire for other people. I no longer feel a strong draw to partners until they are in the rear view mirror and then the need is unbearable.
Not sure if this is med-related or not. I remember really enjoying the company of those I was fond of in high school and college, then I started feeling distant and afraid of them.
Mix the gay thing in for even more confusion. This draw was always toward straight friends. The pull toward other gays has always had a different, less enveloping experience.
I sense you are referencing HIV in your concerns. Know that that situation has changed with medications and shouldn't be a concern if there is med compliance. That's a whole 'nother can of worms though. Forgive me if I'm being presumptuous.
Posted by Zyprexa on April 7, 2014, at 23:10:13
In reply to Relationship meds for PTSD/Borderline?, posted by porkpiehat on April 5, 2014, at 16:19:47
Zyprexa!
This is the end of the thread.
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