Posted by Deneb on October 23, 2009, at 6:12:55
In reply to Re: I hope I am just being a hypochondriac » 10derHeart, posted by Deneb on October 23, 2009, at 3:45:50
I just sent this question to AllExperts. I hope I get a useful response.
Worried I am in a prodromal state
Hello
Thanks for answering my question in advance. I am wondering if I need to worry if if I am just being a hypochondriac.
As a child I was very anxious and had frequent panic attacks. I was not treated for this. In high school I did extremely well academically but had awful social anxiety. Then my last year of high school things got very bad. I started getting very depressed and moody. I was constantly thinking of suicide, and got anxious to the point of paranoia. I was thinking all the teachers were talking about me behind my back and I would actively avoid them in the hallways. I self harmed and my grades slipped a bit, but not much. Finally the guidance counselor contacted my parents when I told her I had experimented with hanging myself.
Then I saw my first psychiatrist. I acted very bizzarely with him because I was just really scared. I didn't respond to him at all and then he asked me all these questions like did I know where I was, and to count backwards by 7 and stuff. I must have given OK answers because he then diagnosed me with social anxiety disorder and said I could decide to see him or not. I chose not to. I saw my GP and was put on Zoloft. I being extremely moody, something getting very happy, like elated and thinking I could do anything and other times suicidally depressed. Sometimes I was happy but wanted to die at the same time. It was very strange time.
I forget what happened exactly but eventually I stopped the Zoloft. Then came my first year of university. I was OK the first semester, but then I got suicidally depressed again. I sought counseling. I saw the counselor for a while before she referred me to a psychiatrist. I was put back on the Zoloft.
My grades started slipping. I have now been in university part time for almost 9 years and I still do not have my bachelors of science. I started this semester positively but now I am skipping classes and midterms. There was a period where I took a full courseload and got 3 A's and 2 B's. I was unmedicated then. But then next semester my anxiety got bad and I actually took a medically serious OD. I was put on a 72 hour hold in the psychiatric ward. They diagnosed me with an adjustment disorder.
My psychiatrist has diagnosed me with borderline personality, social phobia and depression. Currently I am not depressed, but my functioning has declined over the years. I used to wear make up and dress up in high school. Now I don't care about my appearance at all. Recently I didn't even bother to brush my teeth or wash my face after I got up. I wear sweatpants and sweatshirts now.
I am now on Prozac, Celexa and Risperdal. I find the Risperdal helps me a lot. It helps calm me when I am in crisis.
Anyways, I am doing terribly in school and have no motivation in general. I sleep over 12 hours a day most days and stay up all night. A few weeks ago I heard my Mom calling my name while I was brushing my teeth. It was loud. She wasn't even in the house. Then just a few days ago I heard my Mom yelling at me while I was in the shower. I read up about this and realize these are illusions and not hallucinations, but I am still a bit concerned.
I also find I cannot do work that is anything but the simplest of tasks. My room is a complete mess. I don't do any chores around the house (I live with my parents). I don't cook, I just buy food or my Mom cooks.
The thought of something serious like schizophrenia has not crossed my mind. I always though I was too old to develop it. I am 27 now. But, I just discovered the average age of onset for females is 25 and now I am worried as I read about the prodrome state and a lot of that fits me. The lack of motivation, lack of social life (I am pretty much isolated), the decline academically, the decline in functioning and lack of caring about appearances....I have all that.
My immediate family does not have schizophrenia. I don't think anyone else does either. I am not sure about my grandmother though and it is hush hush, but my Mom said my grandmother used to think my Mom was poisoning her and my grandmother had been hospitalized in a psych ward before.
Now the question is, should I be worried about this and what can I do to get my life together?
I have seen my psychiatrist for about 7 years now. She is also my therapist. I have seen her weekly for therapy for 2 years and recently am seeing her every 2 weeks because I have made a lot of progress with the borderline traits. I now no longer feel suicidal or want to OD.
I am doing very poorly in life, all of my peers have surpassed me. I used to have a lot of potential in high school. I am losing hope. Please give me some advice.
Thanks you so much
poster:Deneb
thread:922076
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20090930/msgs/922089.html