Posted by garnet71 on June 7, 2009, at 21:21:24
In reply to Unattractive people find partners too right?, posted by Deneb on June 7, 2009, at 20:40:44
"I think maybe I am not very attractive, and that is why guys never ask me out. Or..."
I doubt that. "Chemistry" presents, overwhelms, whether one party is relatively attractive or not. I have dated some really "hot" guys and some not so hot guys. Personality, mutual interests, compatibilty, disposition/mannersisms that emit from body language, etc., are much more exciting and important than looks alone.....Although looks can add utility to a relationship...for sure.
Having the unconscious disposition "I am not ready to date; I am insecure" affects all prospects, imo...Men will sense that. Like Kath or someone else said, I think, desperateness...it's usually when one is not actively looking that one finds their 'soul mate".
Either way, someone as emotionally unstable as yourself, who presents strong borderline tendancies, can hurt yourself and the people you date. I wouldn't be so naive to claim you are innocent and harmless, although you appear that way on the forum. You claim to talk to your therapist/PDoc about it, but in the same sentenance, you comment you are only seeking "friends". You may be putting youself in the position to hurt yourself or someone else; you have issues that need addressed. We all do.. However, your emotional instabilty, unfortunatley, puts you and others at greater risk than those who do not have such borderline issues. Those issues can cause alot of pain to yourself and others.
You are free to do what you want. I, however, hope I am not friends with anyone you date. It's a recipe for disaster. Your Mom says one thing; you say another; your PDoc/therapist yet another. think about it. Why do I care? I don't want you to hurt other people in your process of "self-discovery". You are not ready for a realtionship of any sort-period. Many of us are not. It's not you; it's the disorder that results from your childhood experiences. Your attachment issues, etc. You DO have the abiltiy to hurt others, in addition to yourself, due to your state of mind that is so obvious from your postings here. Again, you are free to do what you want, but reconsider whether or not what you are doing is emotionally healtly for you right now. Or is healthy for the other people you involve in your quest.
poster:garnet71
thread:899894
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20090604/msgs/899904.html