Posted by Gabbette on August 5, 2008, at 19:01:26
In reply to Re: Lots of **TRIGGERS** and spelling errors » Gabbette, posted by TexasChic on August 5, 2008, at 10:27:02
But thanks for giving me the option to opt out.
That's exactly what happened too, it was long thought out post, and I don't know where it went.
I used to have things show up on the meds board for some reason, but that was ages ago. That was so embarrassing to me for some reason, it was like showing up in front of a bunch of people naked or something.
> > I wonder if anyone read all the way down
>
> How could you NOT read to the bottom?! What a horrifying group of experiences!!! And its unconsciable that a doctor would take you off a med and then ignore you when you call to say you're hallucinating (whether that was the cause of it or not)!
>That just cut in a place so deep, I can't describe it, especially because I've known this Dr for 20 yrs. I hadn't seen him in the last 7 because I'd moved, but still..we'd always had a good rapport.
I don't think going without 2mgs of ativan alone, would cause hallucinations, it can be brutal if you've been on it a long time, but
that's extreme.But he knows I don't do "recreational drugs" or drink and the thing is I didn't even *ask* him for medication, I called cause I was scared to death!
He acted like this was going to become my new party trick.. it was all some performance to get my drugs..
I could just go to a park and buy it if I was that desperate.
it's so disturbing.
> I'd like to hear more about the angel. Things like that are why I always say people never cease to amaze me. Right when you've hit rock bottom and it seems like everybody on earth is out to get you, this stranger steps in, and does something they didn't have to do, and no matter how major or minor it is, it can be that one miraculous thing that gets you through.IT did, she couldn't "fix it" this was some violent physiological ordeal, that I was trying so damn hard to shake myself out of and couldn't.
But she was so cool, and kind at about 2 in the morning.She just said "Let's go outside and talk"
So I did, and I kept hysterically saying "Can't you smell it? I can smell the bleach it's in my mouth and I'm choking (I'll spare you the details)
I kept collapsing because my legs were buckling.
Just charmingShe looked me right in the eyes and said you are so panicked right now that your autonomic nervous system is sending signals to places it shouldn't, or it's exaggerating how important they are because it's telling you you're in danger"
I'd been telling myself that, but it's so REAL
I needed someone *else* to tell me that it wasn't.
You smell pretty she said, and you stay here with my boyfriend for a second okay, his name is Shane and he's a good guy, so you're safe with him.
This was so sweet (and it made me think she knew exactly what I was going through)
She came out with some gum, and said just keep chewing this and thinking "It's just gum in my mouth, nothing else" that actually really helped.
Then she got me some water, and called a cab for me. Even the cabdrivers reaction was kind of unusual. Of course he didn't know what was going on, but I said "I just went nuts, I went nuts in there and I just screamed"
And he said "You know, sometimes all it takes is just one more thing..."It kind of makes you realize how many people feel pretty desperate.
Well, I went home, and of course I was told panic attacks don't last more than 20 minutes or so but this lasted for a day and a half. I had to stop from calling 911 because it really does feel as if you're dying.
But I kept telling myself what she told me,
it didn't go away but it made me not at least do anything weird..I was feeling suicidal but the panic attacks make everything so terrifying that that didn't seem desirable either.'
I just wish I could find her or plaster her name on a billboard or something to thank her.
As for the Doctor well..
Thanks it's basically like being on fire or being in the original situation and having someone who could have helped say
"Well here I am, staring at you I guess I could help but well nyeeeeeeeeah..I don't think I'll get over that.
Thanks for the support T.C
even if you're a bit wobbley.
It's been good getting this out.
I've had it happen many times and I try to store it in my memory, I usually can't remember the details (stupid brain), but I can store that feeling of someone going out of their way to help me, when they had nothing to gain, or any reason whatsoever to do so. Its easy to let these things get buried by the bigger bad things that always seem to be happening. You know, I think maybe I will try to make a list of all the times someone selflessly went out of their way to help me, and put it somewhere accessible so I can pull it out whenever it feels the whole world has gone mad.
>
> I hope you're feeling better, and if you're up to it, will tell us more about the angel.
>
> -T
poster:Gabbette
thread:844106
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080721/msgs/844412.html