Posted by Kath on July 13, 2008, at 20:45:48
In reply to how did the talk go? (nm) » Kath, posted by fayeroe on July 13, 2008, at 9:01:40
Thx for asking Pat.
Turns out it's one of those situations where I worked myself up BIGTIME for no reason.
He just wanted to tell us that he had a c-slip last night & also tell us that he was using between January & March. (We thot he stopped in early January.)
He wanted to tell us because he is living here & by telling us, he's taking responsibility for it, and also, by telling us about last night in particular, it helps him view it as a one-time slip & go forward NOT using. Today, he says that yes, he had a slip last night...he was really drunk & made a stupid decision & now he's okay.
He slept all day yesterday, last night & until noon today. Meanwhile hubby & I had gone out for a lovely walk, so we didn't hear this until this afternoon, so I was viewing the situation as it was last year, which was BAD. So I was in quite a state!!!!!!!!!!
BUT.....we went for a walk in a foresty area in the country, to a beautiful quite large pond. We always take our chairs & books with us & plonk down to read. It was so INCREDIBLY peaceful, we ended up just basking in the peace & beauty ...didn't even take our books out of the bag! There was a Mama duck with about 9 babies going here & there in the pond; dragonflies galore, chickadees & the odd mosquitoe!
It was very therapeutic, but as we were walking back out, the anxiety was coming back.
I felt badly after the talk, because before he started to talk, I said that I was really doing pretty badly; felt very worn down. At some point - I can't remember when, I said that I really wanted to see him going forward & that it was all very hard for me & that some days I didn't even want to be alive. I now feel TERRIBLE for saying that - his face went - well sorta feeling ashamed or something. I said, "I'm not trying to make you feel guilty; I'm just saying how I feel." but now I feel awful. I feel like I shouldn't have said it. My husband says it was the truth & maybe it's good for our son to know the impact on me. I dunno.
I understand that shame is part of the addiction cycle, so I hope I haven't contributed to that. I did tell him afterwards that when he said he relapsed, my mind went right back to last year at this time & all the awful memories.ANYway, I hope that one day I will remember to just try to take things as they present themselves & not work myself all up. Somehow, I suspect it'll be a long time before I succeed at that!
Thx for your ongoing support. love,Kath
poster:Kath
thread:838872
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080702/msgs/839613.html