Posted by Kath on March 11, 2008, at 10:39:13
In reply to OK, now I'm going to complain, posted by TexasChic on March 10, 2008, at 22:03:49
*****Hi TC so sorry you have to put up with this. I am familiar with how devastating a BossFromH can be as DH has one also. It's affecting his self confidence.*****
> She scored me 'doesn't meets expectations' on the communication section because I was supposed to schedule meetings with her to update her on my meetings with the other people in my dept who do my job. It didn't seem to matter that WE HADN'T HAD ANY MEETINGS for me to update her on!!!!
****WHAT!! Oh boy. I hope the review is in paper form also & that there's a place for comments. If so, would something like this be an option:
"I fully realize the importance of reporting on meetings held with others. As no meetings were held during the time under review (or some such words) I did not schedule any 'update' meetings. In future I would be glad to communicate that no meetings were held, if that is the preferred way of dealing with a 'no meetings' situation.
Since there were no meetings & I was not aware of the necessity of reporting that, I request the removal of "doesn't meet expectations" from my review.TC - I don't think it's fair that that judgement remains on your review without the actual situation also being part of the records!!!!***
>
> She then proceeded to name a handful of times that she had sprung a question on me and I couldn't immediately give her the answer. It was because I knew she was testing me and looking for something to hold over me at a later date. So apparently this was supposed to show how badly I was doing at my job.******no fair! What nonsense.****
> Now here's the VERY BEST PART!!! She said she wanted to ask me something and wanted me to answer HONESTLY. She wanted to know if I was scared of her. (WTF?) I told her, "first of all, I am always honest, second of all, I am not scared of you. However, your manner can be intimidating which can cause me to become flustered and have difficulty responding". I don't think intimidating is the same as being scared of. I think she creates situations where I couldn't possibly say the right thing in response. This includes constantly interrupting me and telling me why everything I say is wrong. She's not always like that, but when she is, that's when I get flustered and can't respond or take up for myself properly. In those situations I usually end up just completely clamming up, which seems to irritate her to no end. I think she wants to see me freak out on her or something.
*****I think you dealt with that ADMIRABLY!!!!****> So then she proceeds to tell me she wants me to tell her when I'm feeling like this so that we can try to work it out. She said its not going to offend her and nothing will happen. I said, "aside from making you madder?" (Yeah, I got a few good ones in). And she said, no, she wants to help me. She said she hired me and I'm like her kid and she wants to see me succeed. (Condescending much?) Everything she says is like a double edged sword, its a compliment but somehow a put down at the same time.
****jeez. Does your work provide "EAP"? Employee Assistance Plan? DH's does - for him & family. It's totally anonymous...there's a number I call & the employer never knows. The counsellor I go to said that in her communications with the EAP provider company there isn't even a name mentioned, just a number. They can be VERY helpful. I was just thinking it might be good to take her up on this 'letting her know' thing, if you had a good solid plan of how to do it & how to deal with her. If you don't have an EAP & want to brainstorm, I'm here for ya.***
> By this time I was no longer responding except for "um-hm", "I understand", and "I'll certainly give it a shot". I could tell she could tell I wasn't happy, and was frustrated that she could get nothing else out of me. All I could think was, "this is completely and utterly a lost cause. I will never make her happy. Ever. Period."
*****I applaud you for not 'losing it'. And SHE is the one with the problem TC. I think it's important for you to know that. And no, it's quite possible you'll never make her happy. sadly. same as my DH. I hope you can at least see clearly though, that she has problems!!*****
> I have worked harder at this job than I ever have in my entire life (and although I may be lazy on my own time, I kick *ss at work). If that's not good enough, what else can I do. Not that I'm giving up. I will never give up until I have secured another job or am being dragged out. I may talk big, but in the end I will suck it up and do what I have to to keep my job. I will be smart and do what's best for me. I've been doing it so long, I don't know anything else. Nobody's going to take care of me but me, so I can't let my temper or ego interfere with that.
******good to hear you being strong, & knowing that you do a damn good job at work. AND to know that you're not going to let some bad boss ruin your life.***
> Now its time for a cocktail.
>
> -T****Hope you enjoyed your cocktail hunnee. I hope you're also proud of how you handled yourself in the interview. It sounds like you did a great job under duress (spelling? good word but I don't know how to spell it)
I send hugs!!!! Kath
poster:Kath
thread:817235
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080303/msgs/817339.html